A Fool's Heart
by FallAngel
Summary: There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone
1. Chapter 1

_Dedicated To:__  
__Danielle, for your amazing support__  
__Jackie for taking on the beta__  
__and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.__  
__I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys_

**Title:** A Fool's Heart  
**Author:** Anna (Malmenlid)**  
****Summary: **There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.  
**Rating**: PG  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything here except my own words and a handful of original characters. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Wordcount:** ~6,505  
**Authors Note**: First of all, after everything that has happened to me, I can't believe I'm posting, and most of all, a new story.. A finished story... I've been working on this one since Easter, and I've re-written more times that I can count. But it's been there, always lingering in my mind, and a lot of weeks later, here's the result. Gotta tell ya, I'm scared what you people will think about this one, because this story it's different, and I'm despite going through this journey, I'm not sure if it's a good different or a bad... But I can tell you one thing it's not. It's not a Luke/Reid fan fiction. It has Luke's past in it, and Noah mystery past which we never really got to know.

This story will be slip up into 6-7 Parts, and I'll post 1 - 2 parts each day, because the goal is to have this story posted and finished (almost done!) before I leave for Paris, that's until Thursday.

But I just wanted to take a moment to thank three amazing people, all who have helped me in different way and watched this story evolve and been here when I got some hissy fits about not being able to write after allWe have The Brilliant Jackie (Jacks), who is kind enough to take on the editing part, because I am in fact not a native speaker, and we all have flaws.

The (Blackmailer), Gorgeous Siddhesh (Sidd), who, well kind of blackmailed me through this story, and no that's not a joke.. He had his ways that man, and they worked. If it weren't for him, this story wouldn't even have started! But those Blackmailing worked..

Then, last but not least, The Amazing Daniella (Daan), who's been, well amazing through this story. She's been pushing and pushing and pushing me through this story, but all in the right ways, and it's thanks to her that this story will be finished (have the end left). Could point out that she also saved my writing career, and made me spend a lot of time on msn, writing for her. I'll shut up now!"

Luke Snyder was five years old when I first met him. He came stumbling into the kitchen, with a teddy bear in a tight grip, his blond hair sticking out in all directions, and he had a determent look on his face, a look I wouldn't forget in the first place. He was wearing a too long blue striped pajama and as he discovered that he wasn't alone in the kitchen, he suddenly stopped where he was, almost tripping over it.

The first time he looked at me caught me by surprise as it wasn't guilt for being caught that I had expected to see in his eyes, but sadness. I saw Holden glancing at me with a sad look before stretching out his arms to invite the boy into his lap. "Come here" Holden said softly and I had to look away for a moment as the boy climbed into his father's lap.

_I'll never have that_

I knew I had stayed a bit too long this time as my chest tightened and I had to try to keep my tears and emotions in check. I knew that the best thing for me would to leave but I knew that Holden wouldn't let me go without a reason. So I sat quietly and watched the scene that was taking place in front of me.

"Another nightmare?" Holden asked softly as he looked at his son with a concerned look.

Luke nodded and snuggled deeper into his father's embrace. "I was going to get milk and cookies. Granma always says that milk and cookies can cure anything"

I couldn't help to smile at that philosophy, if only it was true.

Holden raised his hand and brushed Luke's hair. "Was it about him?"

Luke nodded again.

I kept my gaze at them and it seemed that for a moment, they had forgotten that I was in the room, but then Luke suddenly turning his head and looked at me with curiosity in his eyes. I tried not to show my discomfort as the young boy looked at me, but there was something about him, unlike anyone I had ever met.

"Do you think that milk and cookies can cure everything?" He asked me, his voice serious as he gazed at me.

I couldn't help but to smile at his question and I nodded. "Yes, I do think they can" I said, matching his serious voice.

He was looking at me in disbelief, like I was trying to cheer him up. Normally, I don't lie to people, but how do you tell a little boy that when you were little, you never got milk and cookies to deal with the nightmares. There wasn't a warm lap waiting to comfort you. Simple answer, you don't.

I saw Holden gaze at me with understanding eyes, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was, and more importantly, he knew. "You know what" I said, glancing once again, at Holden who was nodding in agreement. "When I was your age and I had a nightmare, do you know what I used to do?" Luke shook his head, excitement glowing in his eyes. "I used to sneak into the kitchen and grab a big bowl of ice cream" I tried, smiling at him even though a part of me was feeling awful for making it up.

Luke adjusted himself on his father's lap, leaning towards me and looking at me with big brown eyes. "You want to know something else?" Luke nodded his head eagerly and looked at me like I was telling him the secret about the biggest treasure ever known to mankind. "I used to sleep with the light on, just to chase away the nightmares"

If it was possible, he looked at me with even bigger eyes. "You did? " He gasped.

I nodded, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Holden holding back a grin. He understood what I was trying to do. "You're a very brave boy, Luke"

"You think?" The disbelief in his eyes was back. "The other boys tease me for it" He mumbled, focusing his attention to his hands instead of looking at me. A pink blush spreading on his face

"You know what; I bet that they are just as scared of the dark as you are"

"I'm not scared" He protested wildly. "Maybe a little" He added quickly.

The little boy amazed me as he sat there on his father's lap. As I looked at them, I knew that Luke was a living proof that DNA didn't matter because as I sat there, I saw how much of Holden there was in Luke... A part of me was sitting there, admiring them quietly because they had something I would never get, a father and son relationship. The closest one I had gotten was a punch in the face.

With a loss of words, the kitchen was filled with silence and I could see that Luke was getting tired as he was starting to doze off in his father lap.

"Come on, kiddo" Holden said and lifted Luke. "Let's get you back to bed"

"But" Luke protested. "What about the milk and cookies?"

Holden smiled as he looked at his son. "How about you go upstairs and get into bed, and I'll bring them up to you?" Luke hesitated for a moment before he headed up the stairs.

"Well, I guess that's my cue to leave" I said, turning towards the door.

"It's getting harder, isn't it?" Holden asked as he looked at me.

"What is?" I shot back, all though I knew perfectly clear to what he was referring to.

"Finding someone..." He took a step forward, towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

I nodded. "I don't think I'll ever find love" I laughed, trying to joke it away, like I had been doing all week when he started bringing up the L word. It was the curse I carried deep in my heart, a longing.

"Maybe that's because you've been looking in the wrong place?" Holden suggested.

I froze at the word and tried to swallow the lump in my throat, did he know? Was it that obvious? I couldn't tell him, the Snyder's had been so good to be, and if they knew, they would kick me out faster than I could blink. I knew Holden wasn't like my dad but I wasn't ready to take that last step out of the closet. "Maybe" I paused, avoiding his gaze. "I should get going."

Holden sighed, and dropped his hand from Noah's shoulder, knowing that Noah would to it in his own time, as he always did. "If you think that the best thing to do is go, then go but I hope that you'll stop running from whatever is chasing you"

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I lied.

"It's not the town, is it?" Holden asked worriedly.

I shook my head quickly. "Absolutely not" I said. "The town has been great and very accepting towards me, despite the fact that I'm..." I paused, searching for the right word to express what I was. Despite living so long as I had, I still hadn't been able to find a name or a word for what I was. "Different" I finally said.

"You're welcome here anytime, you do know that?" Holden gave me a quick hug.

I nodded and smiled as I headed to the door. I had lost count on how many times Holden had offered me a place to stay, not to mention every Snyder in town.

"Please get a phone or something!" Holden called out after me and I couldn't help but laugh at it as I headed out and started walking along the dirty road. It had been a wonderful and yet terrifying experience to be back after so many years. People had said that it felt like things hadn't changed, but I knew, I saw it in people eyes. How they grew up, and I saw how the people I had learned to love, died before me. But I knew that staying and getting attached was a bad idea and I knew that my family was still desperately trying to hunt me down. I didn't have the time to stay any longer and as a low howl filled the night, I started to quicken the pace. I knew that I had no time to lose and once again, it was time for me to put my seek for love out of the way and start running again.

As I ran, the little boy, Luke, who sat in his father's lap, hoping that Milk and cookies would fix the world, was still on my mind and the scene has put me into another sad mood. I would never that father-son relationship, and the Snyder's accepted me as one of their own. But if they ever found out who I really was they could never accept me, who I was, was wrong and they could never found out who the true Noah Mayer was.

My first meeting with Luke was one I would never forget because when thought he was just a little boy, he was still so brave for his age, and he was trying to fight against the darkness. And here I was, a boy trapped at the age of 18, still running from the darkness. You would think, that after living for almost 30 years, the fear would go away, it hadn't. However, I did one last stop before leaving Oakdale. With milk and cookies I ran, as fast as I could through the forest, without any intentions of ever returning again.

**- 13 years later -**

_"They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone."_

The rain was falling heavily as I ran as fast as my own legs would carry me, with a speed and strength they had been born to do. I knew my father was catching up on me; his stinking scent filled my nose as I ran. My brother wasn't far behind either; I could hear his footsteps as they hit the ground with a steady and fast rhythm.

I had been able to keep running from them for a long time now, the dates and years had lost meaning and count to me, and the thought how lucky I was last time to make it out alive, gave me the strength to keep going on. I knew they had gotten stronger and faster, giving into the darkness, a place I would never go willingly and they knew I was different, wrong.

I quickened my pace, my lungs and legs screaming in protest. They had, had enough and as I ran through the jungle, I felt a change in me, I was done running, and as the thought crossed my mind, I suddenly stopped.

_Let them come_

I thought, feeling an anger and rage rise in me as I tried to look behind the leaves to see if they were coming. At first, all I could see was two black spots in the distance, but too soon, they were both here.

"Hello" My father greeted me with a small evil grin and walked close to me, holding up his hands in what most people would call a surrender gesture. Except, I knew him and that was not a surrender, far from it.

"Hi dad" I said dryly, my body on red alert as I followed him with my eyes, watching every little step and move that he made.

"It's nice to see you" I blinked dumb fooled at him as I hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Like wise" I mumbled, not meaning it one bit. "Oh, hello Riley" I smiled at my "long lost" brother who stumbled through the leaves and branches and stopped right in front of me, trying desperately to catch his breath. "Not fit for it?" I asked with a grin. He just glared angry at me.

"What do you want?" I asked, crossing my arms and taking a step back. I didn't like the fact that they were so close to me.

"We were just wondering if you've finally come to your senses" My father asked softly.

I snorted as I glared at him. "You mean you're wondering? I know that Riley doesn't have anything against me apart from the fact that he's jealous that I'm trying to change me and he doesn't have the willpower to stand up against you. "

"So you're still..." My father trailed off and for moment I could have sworn I saw a flicker of fear in his eyes.

"Yes" I said simply. "I'm still gay" My father flinched at the word and I wanted to laugh at the reaction. I knew it wasn't what he was referring to.

He was talking about how I was still trying to become mortal, because we both knew that it was the only way for me to become free from my family and our bloodline, the curse that ran through our veins.

I remember when I turned eighteen and how my dad had simply told me that I was never going to age anymore, that I was going to live forever, and just by the word forever, I knew from that moment that I didn't want that. And as I watched my friends wither and die, I knew this wasn't the life for me. I wasn't as coldhearted as the rest of my family, and from that moment on I swore to find a way, but at the same time, so did my family. They swore that to do everything in their power to stop me.

After a lot of research, I found a way to become human; I thought it was going to be easy. Fall in love, was the trick, and you'll become human. But it seems that it was a lot harder to find true love, the forever kind, then I thought.

But my aching heart is longing for someone to hold, someone to love. Just someone instead of strolling through life alone. It's like an eternal darkness that never ends, and I have never understood why my family chose it. To walk the earth forever, never dying, never ageing, never changing just watching how time passes, an endless life. The older you get, the faster and stronger you become, and I could see how appealing it was, but it wasn't a price I was willing to pay.

You see, I can't die. Ever watched that TV show called Torchwood? You know John Barrowman, a real hottie who plays captain Jack Harkness, a man who can't die? I'm just like that, I don't age and how many times you kill me, I always come back, always.

"You're still trying to become human?" Winston laughed, interrupting my thoughts."When are you going to realize that true love doesn't exist?"

"Just because mom didn't love you" I began but before I had the chance to speak another word my dad had rushed forward and taken a hold of my shirt, only to throw me into the nearest tree he could find.

Stumbeling I rose up on my feet with a smile. "That's it, isn't it? I grinned at the realisation. "That's why you hate me so much, because I'm just like her, and you can't stand the fact that she never loved you enough for you to become human"

"Shut up!" Winston yelled and once again rushed forward, but this time I was ready and jumped out of the way, trying to ignore my now throbbing headache.

"You resent me because I'm capable of doing something you'll never will be able to do, or anyone else in our family." I said, walking closer to him. "I'm capable of loving someone while the rest of you are remaining cold and heartless. You've been stuck in this world too long that you've forgotten all about what it means to be human. You've lived too long to appreciate life, for you it's just a waste of time, which is kind of funny since all you have is time."

"You think you're special?" My father interrupted his voice cracking a bit as he stared at me with cold blue eyes. "Because let me tell you something son, you're not invincible. I know you, you're going to give your heart to someone who you think means something and all they're going to do is to break it into a million pieces, and I can guarantee, that it will kill you" My father paused and looked at me, and for a second it felt like his human self was there, not the cold monster that had raised me. "So don't think you're special, not even for a second because you're not. I've been there, exactly where you are, trying to find what people call love and try to become human, but it doesn't work that way. True love doesn't exist, it's bullshit and it's time that you woke up from that fairytale that you've been living in and see the truth. "

I looked at him in wonder. "What truth?"

"That little precious family that you have in Oakdale, they don't love you"

"Yes they do" I protested.'

"How much then?" Winston asked as he once again looked at me. "How much can they take of this life that you're living, before they kick you out? They're just humans' son, they're weak and always let their emotions get in the way" My father laughed bitterly. "Just how much to you think you're worth to them?"

I started at him in shock. There was something in his words that made the hair on my neck rise in fear. It was the way he said them, like he was putting me up on one of his tests.

_He's changed tactics._

Suddenly Holden's face popped up in my mind, along with Lily's, Emma, Lucinda, and the whole towns. I hesitated for a second, and maybe that was a second to long as I glanced over to my father who was grinning evilly. There was something new in his eyes, a new hate and rage in my father's face that I hadn't seen in years, but I didn't stay long enough to find out what exactly that was.

I started running, my legs protesting once again, but the only thought in my mind was a little blond boy who I wasn't going to let my father harm. And as I ran, I couldn't help to think of how many years that had past. I had no idea, it was just a blur to me, but I did remember the promise I had made, to never return, but another thing overtook my thinking and with the name Luke lingering in my mind, I ran as fast as I could, praying and hoping that whatever harm my father had caused, I wasn't too late to fix it.

My heart hadn't stopped racing since I left the jungle and my father behind me, and I knew that I had broken a dozen traffic laws on my way to get to Oakdale as fast as I possibly could. My mind had been working overtime since the minute my dad had mentioned the Snyder's. I knew he had kept a close an eye on me but the realization of just how much made me scared. I stepped on the gas, driving fast, the image of Luke, lying somewhere, covered in blood wouldn't disappear out of my head, no matter how hard I tried.  
Finally after what felt like a lifetime the familiar Snyder farm came into view and I rushed out of the car as fast as I could and over to the porch. I knew the logical reason would be to calm down, but I was way past that. The Snyders were the closest thing I had to a family and if something had happened to anyone of them because of who I was and because of my insane family, I would never forgive myself, they meant too much to me.

I held my breath as I opened the door that lead to the kitchen. There was nobody there and the whole house sounded quiet, too quiet. I couldn't hear a creak or anything; just a painful silence greeted me. I walked slowly into the kitchen and sat down, leaning against the table, defeated.

My father had really done it this time, and I knew that our bloodline had nothing but pure evil in it, but that hadn't stopped me from at least hoping that there was still something good in him. I still carried a vague memory when me and my father had gone fishing when I was just a child, and there had been no anger or frustration that day. It was the only time I had felt that maybe, just maybe, my father did feel something towards me that wasn't hate or anger, that perhaps, there were feelings he wouldn't say to me there, after all. Or he would never get over the fact that I was just like my mother, special in the worst ways possible, wrong, and just wrong. My veins hadn't only my father blood in them, but my mother's too, giving me the ability to actually love and feel. Maybe that was the difference, I had something, and I was something that my family could and would never be or have.

I don't know how long I sat it the kitchen, feeling that last good of me slipping away, in a house that had never stayed quiet when a sudden gasp reached my ears. I knew it wasn't mine so I turned around and looked straight into Holden Snyder familiar brown eyes. Before I knew what was happening, his arms were around me and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"You're alive" I murmured quietly into his shoulder, holding on just as strong as he was. He was there, alive and that was what mattered.

"Of course I am" Holden pulled away so that he could look at me. "Of course I'm alive Noah, why wouldn't I be?" He asked, slightly confused.

I stood there, gazing at him for a moment and I found myself speechless for a moment

Suddenly two little girls rushed through the door, followed by Lily, Emma and a blond, young beautiful man. That marked the decision for me. "It's nothing" I said, lowering my gaze. I wasn't going to put fear into Holden's eyes. Not unless it was absolutely necessary, and things were different since the last time I was here. He had two daughters now, and I wasn't going to let them come to harm because of me and a world they didn't know anything about.

"Noah" Holden warned, furrowing his brown eyes and I saw how a part of him knew I was lying.

"Don't worry about it" I said in a hushed, soothing voice before turning my gaze to the little group of people who was now watching me and Holden.

"Hi" I said to everyone, feeling a bit embarrassed and I blushed when the blond boy met my eyes. He was looking at me with angry eyes and for a moment I wondered what I could possibly have done when I noticed Holden's gaze. This was something between them. But it seemed that the boy forgot what he was angry about as he looked at me and I could see how the anger slowly faded away.

I stood there frozen as I looked at him. This wasn't the five year old little boy who stood in front of me anymore. This was a beautiful and gorgeous man, but I could still see a part of him in there. For a moment it was like there was a spell over us as we just stood there, gazing at each other until I remembered where I was. I quickly turned away from him and focused on the rest of the family.

My gaze fell on Lily who stood there with two girls in her hands and she smiled softly towards me. As I looked at them my father's words ringed once again in my ears and I swallowed I saw her releasing her grasp on the girls and walked over to me.

"It's good to see you again" She reached over and pulled me into a hug. I tried not to hug her back too long or too tight and I had to try to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall down my cheeks. The big age difference didn't seem to matter to Lily as she hugged me tight, like I was her long lost son, and perhaps I was.

As we stood there, in a mother and a long lost son embrace, which I was hoping they would go and everyone who was watching didn't notice, I couldn't help but to feel something different when I hugged her. Quickly and a bit shocked, I pulled away, searching in her eyes for an answer.

"Oh my god" I gasped. "Are you?"

She nodded, her hand reaching out to stoke the very visible bulge on her stomach, affectionately. "Almost eight months now"

"Congratulations" I smiled and I meant it. This world had so much evil in it and I knew that a few more Snyders in it would make the world a better place.

And finally, I sifted my gaze to Emma, who meant more to me than anyone in the Snyder family, even more then Holden. Perhaps it was the fact that I had helped to deliver her into this world and watched her grow up, or maybe it was her big heart that had a special spot for me in it.

Dear beautiful Emma. She had gotten a lot older then the last time I saw her. A few more wrinkles and gray hairs. The sight both warmed and pained my heart.

_They all wither and die_

Emma who smelled like freshly baked cookies and with hugs that could chase away everything, when cookies and milk didn't work.

She quickly pulled me into an embrace, big and warm. "My dear Noah, my Noah" She whispered into my shoulder and I could feel her salty tears soak my shirt. She pulled away for a moment and looked at me. I wanted to reach out and wipe away the tears that I had caused even though I knew that they were probably good and happy tears, I didn't like making her upset like that. Emma reached up and wiped away her own tears with one hand while the other one stroked my face.

I knew she was feeling for me. The suffering and the endless life spark that glowed in my eyes. She used to say that when you looked into my eyes, it was like watching the most beautiful star and everything beyond as it stretched and stretched, never ending.

"Still so handsome" She mumbled quietly before dropping her hand.

It wasn't until then that I noticed that the small kitchen had gone dead quiet and everyone was watching us. I felt that pink blush spread over my cheeks again and looked down at the floor, embarrassed.

"Come on" Emma said and grabbed my hand. "Let's get you something to eat. You're still way too skinny" She smiled softly and dragged me over to the table, and as I looked at her smile, it felt like for the first time in a long time, I was right where I belonged. I was home.

"Luke, look at me" Holden said, as he looked at Luke. He just couldn't understand his son anymore.

With a sigh of dislike, Luke turned his head around to look at him. "What?"

"Where are you going?"

Luke shrugged. "I don't know. Out I guess, anywhere but here" He said picking up his backpack and heading for the door.

"Are you meeting Kevin?" Holden asked as he crossed his arms.

Another sigh escaped. "Why does it matter?"

"I thought I told you to stay away from him. He's not good for you"

"And why is that?" Luke turned around to look at him. He was tired of playing games, these, let's not talk about what's really going on. "He's my best friend dad. We've known each other since kindergarten.

"Because" Holden hesitated as he looked into his sons eyes and for a moment, he thought he saw fear in them.

"Because of what dad?" Luke challenged.

"Because Kevin is changing you into someone that I don't know anymore" He wanted to say, but with everything lately, he knew that Luke would take it the wrong way and they would be back where they started. "You know that if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here Luke" Holden tried to reason instead. "I'm here whenever you need me Luke."

"But what if it's something bad?" Luke said and for a moment his voice sounded so small and scared.

"There is nothing you can't say or do that will make me love you any less. You're my son Luke, and I love you no matter what" Holden gazed at him, and whatever had been building up those walls around his sons heart and them, it seemed that they were falling down, at least a little bit.

"I love you too dad" Luke said, his voice cracking as he tried to blink away the tears, but this was the closest he had felt to his dad in a long time. And as he looked into his father's eyes, he could see that a part of him already knew the truth and, on some level, his dad knew.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Holden clenched his jaw as he saw Kevin standing there. That boy was like a poison and he didn't like the way Luke was around him, not at all.

The moment that seemed to have been there, had vanished and Holden saw how his son's mind built up that wall, once again. Like he had suddenly changed his mind. For a second, Holden wanted to grab his son and make him talk, but he knew that Luke would come to him when he was ready, even if he had to watch in pain how Kevin was destroying his son.

Holden sighed as he watched his son disappear before turning towards the stairs. "You can come out now" Holden said softly.

Ashamed and embarrassed, I walked out from my hiding place under the stairs. "I'm sorry" I began but Holden held his hand up and I fell into a since as I patiently waited for my verdict. I knew it had been a very personal moment between them.

"Noah, it's okay. This is a big house and to be honest" Holden sighed and leaned tiredly against the wall. "It would be really nice to talk to someone about it" For the first time since I got back, I took a really good look at Holden, and I saw, just like everyone else that I knew, he was getting older. And whatever this was, it was draining and tearing him apart.

"What is it?" I asked, walking over to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Funny, how the rolls suddenly were reversed.

I saw how Holden took a long deep breath, like he was bracing himself for something. "I think Luke might be gay" He said in a single breath.

I felt how the air disappeared from my lungs and how the blood in my veins turned into ice.

"Why do you think that?" I asked, surprised that my voice didn't tremble or crack as I talked. My whole body and brain was trying its best not to go into a meltdown.

"It's Kevin" Holden paused, trying to think how to say all of this in the right way without sounding like he was hating his own son. "It's the way Luke his acting towards him, like he does everything to please him and I caught them having a moment. "Holden stopped once again, running his hand through his hair, like it would help to sort all of this out.

"What did you see?" My voice was still somehow steady and I was suddenly glad that Holden was too busy thinking to notice my panicked expression and the way my whole body was stiff.

"I saw Luke give Kevin a backrub, and I know that's usually something innocent, but there was just something with Luke's expression when I came out that made me react. He looked at me like I had caught him drinking. I've never seen him react that way" Holden went silent again. "And then there is the drinking. Luke has been going through a rough time. A few months ago Damian came back, which brought up so much anger and emotions, which caused him to start drinking. He got to the point where the cost ended up to be one of his kidneys. "

I nodded to show him that I was listening. A part of me was shocked to hear about what had happened, but I knew better than most people, how you thought alcohol would provide comfort when cookies and milk didn't help anymore.

"And I get that he was going through a lot" Holden continued. "But I don't see what reason he has to start drinking again. I mean, I thought we were happily, so why on earth would he start drinking again?

I shook my head, just as unable to come up with an answer as Holden was.

"Have you tried talking to him?" I asked, realizing how stupid my question sounded, but Holden didn't seem to protest or take notice.

"You saw what happened in the hallway. Every time I try to talk to him, he shuts down. I get him to open up, and every time I see him tear down that wall, something always happens that makes him take it up again. I just want to get through to him and help him. I want my son back. I don't care if he's gay or not, I just want him back. I know he's not that sweet five year old son you met, and he's been doing some bad stuff, but that doesn't mean I love him any less for that"

I nodded in understandment. "Then tell him that, get him to listen and who knows, he might surprise you. But maybe you have to take the first step." It was getting harder and harder giving Holden the right advice without giving away too much or feeing horrible.

_I'm lying to you too__  
_  
"Enough about me" Somehow that tiredness I had seen in Holden's eyes disappeared as he put a hand on my shoulder. "How about you tell me the real reason why you're here"

I swallowed, amazed how he had turned the conversation so quickly and I was terrified to tell Holden the reasons.

_Your son is one of them_

I had spent the day getting to know Natalie and Faith, two lovely young girls and the thought of what my father wanted to do with them, stopped me once again from spilling my guts out. I couldn't tell the man I admired, the man I would hope to call dad at least once, that there was maniac who wanted to see him and his family dead because of me. I just couldn't. It was enough that I had to try to deal with it, but I wasn't about to have Holden getting worried too. He had his own problems to deal with.

"It's nothing" I finally said.

"Don't you start lying to me Noah" Holden warned as he looked at me. "I know that something's is wrong, especially since you practically said goodbye for forever when I talked to you on the phone a few years ago. Then suddenly you show up, and you're telling me there isn't a reason behind it?"

"There are reasons Holden, I just told you what they are" I mumbled.

"Mind if I ask you how long you're staying then?" I saw how Holden tried to seek my gaze, but I refused to look at him, because I knew he would see what I was hiding.

I shrugged, trying to sound casual. "A few days, maybe a week or longer. I'm not so sure, as long as I need, I guess"

I saw Holden shaking his head, in what could have been frustration. "I won't push you Noah, and I know that you keep something secret from us, for our own protection, but you don't need to bottle it all up inside of you. I'm here if you need me, and I know you'll tell me when the time is right" Holden said quietly and in his voice I could hear that he meant it. But despite that, I hesitated.

"Thank you Holden that means a lot to me, but this is something I have to do on my own."

Holden nodded in understandment and we sat in silence in our own thoughts before Holden rose and turned around to face me. "Since you might actually be sticking around for a while, I have a favor to ask you."

"What?"

"Could you keep an eye on Luke for me? I thought, maybe he'll open up to someone his own age"

"No problem" I replied.

Holden gave me a quick nod and a smile before heading out to take care of the barn chores. I watched as he disappeared, but his words were still lingering in my mind.

You see, there is this one day every year, when I can die. There is a day when night and day are equally long. And for some reason, we become as close to humans as we can; we get the ability to feel pain.

I knew that if my dad was going to strike and get his ultimate revenge, it would be then, at the time when we're at our most vulnerable. I glanced at the calendar on the wall and swallowed. Three weeks away. I watched the family photos hanging on the wall, the pretty pictures the girls had painted that was hanging on the refrigerator and I knew the time would come when I and my father would face each other, one last time. I would have to sacrifice my own life to protect them, without a single doubt.

...TBC...

So, How bad is it? I can take the verdict!


	2. Chapter 2

_Part 2_  
_Dedicated To:__**  
**__Danielle, for your amazing support__**  
**__Jackie for taking on the beta__**  
**__and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.__****_

_I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys._

Summary: They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.  
Rating:PG-NC17**  
**Word count: ~4,500  
Authors Note:First of all, after everything that has happened to me, I can't believe I'm posting, and most of all, a new story.. A finished story... I've been working on this one since Easter, and I've re-written more times that I can count. But it's been there, always lingering in my mind, and a lot of weeks later, here's the result. Gotta tell ya, I'm scared what you people will think about this one, because this story it's different, and I'm despite going through this journey, I'm not sure if it's a good different or a bad... But I can tell you one thing it's not. It's not a Luke/Reid fan fiction. It has Luke's past in it, and Noah mystery past which we never really got to know.

This story will be slip up into 6-7 Parts, and I'll post 1 - 2 parts each day, because the goal is to have this story posted and finished (almost done!) before I leave for Paris, that's until Thursday.

* * *

I sighed loudly as I stared at the ceiling. How on earth the Snyders had managed to trick me into sleeping in Natalie's room was still a mystery to me. But here I was, in a room that looked very pink, and with fairies and elve's posters covering the walls.

As much as this place felt like home, this bed definately didn't. I had a habit of not sleeping at all, and the couch down stairs would have been fine. It felt like I was starting to settle in, by getting a room, and as much I wanted, I wouldn't get attached, not this time.

I don't know how long I laid there, twisting and turning, when I finally gave up the idea of getting to sleep and threw off the covers. I knew my idea was silly, but if it would help me sleep, I would gladly take it.

I slowly opened the door, which creaked in protest and headed down stairs as quiet as I could.

The floor protested under my feet as I walked to the kitchen. I flinched as the cupboard cracked as I opened it. I tried being as quiet as possible as I grabbed a glass, the cookie jar and a can of milk from the fridge, but this was an old house, even older than me, and it seemed to protest at every motion I made.

Slowly, I put everything on the table, and my stomach groaned. It recognized this little ritual, but that could have been that I had done this every night, for the last 13 years, every since that time in the kitchen. If a five year little old blond boy, who had nightmares he couldn't control, who wanted to escape the harsh world sometimes, who dream and believed that cookies and milk, could cure everything, that it held this amazing power over you, then so could I. And I had, for the last 13 years, believe in that power, because I had too, it was the only thing separating me from my family. They would never believe in cookies in milk, they would never seek that comfort, because that was not who the Mayer's were. They were cold blooded killers, who seeked to, well take over the world. Milk and cookies had never existed in their world. It had been haunting me that I belong to something like that, something so... evil, and even as a kid, I had tried finding something, just something that separated me from them, in a way that they could never understand and never would. Find a connection to someone that could break my ties to my family, because just like my mom, I never truly belonged to them.

Dipping, was my way and as I sat in that empty, dark kitchen, I felt happier than I had the last 13 years. The running was gone, and my body was starting to relax to the idea, that this would stop once and for all. This was my home, whether I liked it or not, it was. Wherever I slept in a bed, that not really belonged to me, it was because this was the place I always returned to, no matter what. Even if it was just to make sure the Snyder's where safe, or say hi, I always felt that strange feeling in my chest when I was here. Maybe the farm held an own power over me, but whatever it was, it made me never want to leave, and just the thought alone frightened me. Maybe that was because I never really had a home before, or maybe it was because here, people cared about it, and for some reason, it didn't matter that I couldn't get hurt, or that I didn't age, they still cared. They cared and they wanted me to belong to the family, a part I had never really played before. The rebel, that was me, who always went against everything, but this was different somehow, and I wanted to stay, I wanted to make a difference, a change, and perhaps, after 35 years of finding who I was, I would find him, I would find Noah Mayer. And after twenty years of searching, looking and longing, maybe, just maybe I would be able to find love, the happily ever after kind of love. Maybe this battle that would come was the start of a new beginning...

I sighed heavily at my own thoughts that my head kept spinning around, twisting and turning my thoughts until I was tangled in them myself. Feeling somehow better, I rose from my chair and went to the counter, placing my empty glass of milk and just as I was about to put away the cookies, the floorboard cracked and I froze where I stood.

"Hello?" I called out to the darkness, my voice shaking a bit.

Slowly and with steps so light, Luke stepped through the threshold, his hair ruffled and standing in every direction. "Hi" His voice was soft as he came closer. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Luke Snyder" He reached out his hand.

"Noah Mayer" I said quickly, not shaking his hand since mine was a bit tied up at the moment, with a cookie jar in one hand and milk in the other. "I'm sorry about" I began, blushing as I nodded towards the things in my hands. It felt like I had been caught doing something I wasn't allowed to do.

"Actually" Luke began with a small smile. "I was heading down stairs to get some myself" He said, and sat down in one of the chairs.

I looked at him for a moment, puzzled and amazed at the same time before sitting down. I felt like little Luke was with us right now, hiding behind the door. "Milk and cookies, the cure for everything" He mumbled, and for a moment I thought he looked sad.

"Couldn't sleep?" I asked softly, desperately wanting to know what was going on in Luke's head, because there was already something about him, and maybe it had already existed since the moment I met him in the same kitchen, thirteen years ago, that drew me to him.

"Too much on my mind" He said quietly as he stared at the cookie in his hand.

"You okay?" I had to ask, as I looked at him. It looked like the world was hanging on his shoulders.

"It's been a long day"

"I know the feeling" I sighed.

"I'm sorry, but you look very familiar, have I seen you before?" Luke gazed at me and I swallowed hard.

"No" I whispered, focusing on the cookie in my hand. I reached for the milk, and apparently Luke had felt like doing the same. For a brief moment, our hands collide, touching and I sucked in a breath. Electricity was the only word for it. I quickly pulled away, but that feeling, that electricity was still lingering, just the tiniest tingle.

"I should be heading back to bed" I murmured and stood up, knowing I was probably confusing Luke even more, before heading to the stairs, the tingle still there. It was unlike anything I had ever felt, and a part of me wanted more, to explore more, but Luke Snyder, was off limits...

* * *

I kept telling myself that I needed to stop doing this as I headed to the pond. I had made a promise, but this was starting to step beyond that, and yet, as the sound reached my ears, I ran towards it. I knew that getting attached was a bad idea, an idea that shouldn't even exist in my head. But the low whisper of Holden's voice that had asked me to look after him always stopped my heart and encouraged it at the same time.

I sighed loud as I walked, trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings, which was easier said than done. I knew that he would probably be here tonight again, and as pathic as my heart was, I was hoping that this time, I would make a difference.

The wet morning grass touched my feet, and I was trying to convince myself that I was doing this for Holden and the rest of the family, that this was nothing more than that. This wasn't me trying to figure why my heart started beating faster in his presentence, or why his touches made my skin tingle. Or the fact that I couldn't stand there and watching him suffer. As I said, nothing to do with me.

I stopped a few feet away from him, silently waiting. Maybe this time was different, maybe he wasn't...but a quick glance at the bottle in his hand made my heart sink. Quietly I sat down behind him and watched in silence. This was already bad. I usually made sure to come after he had passed out, not while he was still awake, not like now.

Suddenly, without warning he snapped his head around and his eyes meet mine. For a moment he looked at me with a surprised look, but it was quickly replaced with fear, fear of being caught.

I stood there, frozen, and I wasn't sure what to do. This had never happened and I stood up and turned to leave.

"Noah" He suddenly called out, and rose to his feet, stumbeling as he ran after me. Within second, he was by my side, gripping a hold of my arm to steady himself. "Please, don't tell my dad"

The only think I could think of was the fact that his hand was on my arm, touching it. Until I turned to look at him.

"Don't worry, I won't" I whispered a part of me in shock as I stared at him. I knew he had been partying with Kevin, I knew he had been drinking and enjoying himself, but what I didn't understand was why his face was full of dried tears.

"What happened?" I asked, and I had to restrain myself to reach out and wipe them away. But my eyes found a new object. In his hands was a beer and my hands ached as I clenched my fists, to not rip it away from him.

"What do you mean?" Luke dropped his hand and turned away, laughing bitterly. "Why would anything have happened" His voice broke as he sat down in the wet, cold grass. "Who says I'm not happy?"

I raised an eyebrow as I sat down beside him, trying not to shiver from the raindrops that were starting to fall on us. Luke didn't seem to notice the change of weather. "So you're telling me you're fine?" I asked lightly.

He glared at me like I was some kind of idiot before turning away, mumbling, "Why wouldn't I be fine?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, you tell me..." I challenged, hoping he was going to pick up on it.

"I'm perfectly fine" Luke said as he stood up and held the beer in the air, like he was toasting with someone. "I'm fucking fantastic!" He yelled.

"Yeah, I can see that" I said, but I didn't believe it for a second. Someone who was fine didn't sneak and lie behind their families back, those who were fine didn't get them self drunk even though it could cost them their life.

"I am" He muttered back, before turning quiet.

The rain was pouring down, and I could feel it soaking my clothes. A chill ran through me and I glanced over to Luke, who was shaking too.

I watched him for a minute, before standing up. "Come on" I said, holding out my hand for him. "We're getting soaking wet out here"

"I'm fi-fine" Luke said, he's teeth chattering. "Not cold" He managed to get out.

I shook my head in confusion. "You're telling me you like being cold?" I asked, trying not to shiver myself. I couldn't help to wonder what maybe this was about pride, because how else do you explain someone who refuses to go inside? Or perhaps it was the shame.

"Yes" He growled back.

Stubborn was the only word I could think about as I looked at Luke Snyder, who was sitting down and shivering. "Fine" I muttered, sitting back down in the cold, wet grass. "If you're not going inside, then neither am I"

I can play this game too...

I don't know how long we sat there, or when I lost the feeling in my legs, but I wasn't giving in, and by the looks of things, neither was Luke. I caught him glancing at me before turning away, but just the thought made me smile, no matter the reason.

"This is ridiculous!" He examined. You're going to get pneumonia"

"Not likely" I snorted as I glanced at him.

If only you knew Luke...

We went quiet once again, and I watched Luke sit and shiver next to me. It was killing me. A part of me wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and warm him up, but that action would go under inappropriate.

"Still not cold?" I asked softly and only got a shake as a reply. "Luke, come on, you're being silly. Let's just get inside where it's not raining and get you warm. You're going to get ill if you stay out here any longer" I tried.

"And you're not going to?" He shot back as he started rubbing his hands up and down along his arms, to get the blood circulation and the heat going.

I sat there speechless for a moment. I couldn't get ill; it wasn't a part of being me. If I got cut or hurt, the wound would heal in a matter of seconds, and I had never had a cold or a shot in my entire life. "Can't we just go somewhere where it's not raining?" I tried, changing the subject. "I know you're freezing Luke"

"Fine" He muttered and stood up, leaving the half empty beer on the ground. I sighed with relief as I watched the action, but was careful not to make sure Luke heard or saw it. I didn't need to give him a reason to think I was judging him.

Silently we walked to the barn and opened the door, to sneak in. I knew Holden wouldn't be here for at least another two hours. It would hopefully give me enough time to make Luke talk about what was bothering him, and get him sobered up a bit.

I slowly climbed up the ladder to the hayloft, with Luke right behind me. The hayloft was pretty small, with hay bales lying around, and a blanked thrown into a corner. "Why are you doing this?" He asked as we reached the top.

I turned around to look at him, confused and a bit puzzled by the question. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you here? Why do you care about me when you barely know me? I'm a stranger to you, and I'm pretty sure I've been treating you like crap. And yet, here you are, all smiling and charming, and caring. Why do you care?"

"You know, not all guys are jerks" I said softly as I went to pick up the blanket.

"You didn't answer my question. Why?"

That stubbornness was back and I couldn't help but smile. "I guess that's who I am" I shrugged and handed Luke the blanked. "The smiling, charming and caring guy" That look, like I was some sort of alien was back in Luke's eyes as he sat down next to me, like there was something wrong with me. I tried not to sigh at the disappointed feeling that was rising in my chest, who was I fooling? Normal had never worked for me.

As I adjusted myself next to Luke, I felt his arm touch mine and quickly pulled away. "Sorry" He mumbled quietly and turned his head away.

"Its okay" I replieed back, and we fell into a silence once more. I wasn't sure if I should push Luke to talk to be, but the image of Luke crying, was still lingering in my mind. "So, mind telling me what happened tonight?" I asked softly.

Luke didn't reply at first, instead he sat quietly, looking down at his feet. "You really want to know?" He asked, and I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

I nodded" Yes, I really want to know."

"Promise you won't tell my dad?"

"Promise"

"Promise that no matter what you hear, you won't look at me different?" Luke looked up at me, his voice soft and quiet, and for a moment I thought he looked scared.

"I Promise"

I saw Luke taking a deep breath, like he was gathering strength. "I was with Kevin, a guy who used to be my best friend"

"Used to?"

"As in not anymore, or rather, as not from tonight. Whatever friendship we had, I blew it, threw away thirteen years of friendship for..." He went silent, the hesitation back.

"For what?" I pushed. "Luke, I'm not going to judge you for your actions, we all do bad and good things, god knows I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but I'm here, despite the fact that to you, I'm a total stranger, who you've talked to one time in your life, about cookies that can cure everything" I added.

"I'm gay" He breathed out. "And I have a crush on my best friend."

I know, I wanted to say.

"What happened tonight?" I asked softly instead, ignoring the green eyed monster who was raging inside of me. Luke wasn't mine, and he wouldn't be.

"He found out" Luke's voice was barley a whisper and I saw tears starting to form in his eyes. "I don't know how, or who told him, not even how anyone found out, but he did and know he hates me. He thinks I'm a sick, disgusting faggot and he told he that if I ever came near him again, he would make sure to teach me a lesson that I would never forget" His lips trembled as he finished the sentence, and my heart went out to him.

Without thinking, I pulled Luke closer to me, and wrapping my arms around him, trying to comfort him, in the best way I could.

"I'm scared Noah. I'm scared of what people will think of me, that they will hate me I'm scared that my parents will hate me." He whispered into my shirt.

I shook my head. "Your parents love you Luke, no matter what, and how can people hate a loving and caring guy like you?"

"Because" He began. "I'm a ..."

"Stop it" I growled. "You're an amazing guy, and if people can't see that it's their loss, not yours. And as for Kevin, give him some time; he was probably just caught by surprise."

Luke shook his head. "No, I know what I saw, I remember the words, he meant it and he hates me Noah" Luke whispered low.

"Then he's not worthy your friendship" I said low, feeling Luke tremble, and soon, he was sobbing in my arms.

I don't know how long we sat there, but I wasn't going to let Luke go without knowing he was okay. I looked down, and I felt myself fall. He had stopped crying, and was just resting against me, his head on my chest, breathing slightly. For a moment I thought he had fallen asleep when suddenly without warning he looked up right at me.

"Noah" He said, my name barely a whisper on his lips, and I fell a little deeper.

I stopped breathing as he leaned closer to me, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. The world could have exploded and I wouldn't have noticed a thing. Luke pressed himself closer to me, his hands finding my hair, yanking me closer.

For a moment, I surrendered to the kiss. I forgot everything I knew about family, hiding, fathers getting revenges, secrets. I forgot who I really was, and the only thing that existed was this moment right here, this feeling that I had been chasing all my life. Luke's lips against mine, his tongue fighting for dominance and that incredible heat and the feeling of more.

Suddenly, all too quickly, reality and ration came back, and Luke pulled away. "I'm sorry" He whispered, rushing down the stairs and before I had time to react or reach out for him, he was gone.

* * *

The rope dug into my gloves as I threw the bale of hay up to the loft. I sighed as the memories of the night before came back, and the kiss was still lingering in my mind. I wished Luke hadn't run off, but most of all I wanted Luke to talk to me. Every time I had tried to approach him, he vanished or made up an excuse to avoid me.

"Hey Noah" Holden said, interrupting my thoughts. "Could you do me a favor and get the hay that's standing outside the barn?

"Sure, no problem" I forced a smile and headed out but stopped as soon as I had passed the threshold of the barn. Far in the distance, was my brother, heading directly to the farm. For a moment, I just stood there, not sure what to do. I wasn't ready to meet my father just yet, it was too soon.

"Noah where is that...hay" He stopped next to me. "Hey, what's wrong?" Somehow those words managed to shake me out of my trance, and my mind started working overtime again.

"Holden" I said, ignoring Holden's quest as I was trying to remain calm while keeping an eye on Riley. I didn't have time to spill my guts out to him. "I need you to take your family and go inside, and don't open the door I say it's safe to come out"

"No" Holden protested, crossing his arms."Not until you tell me what's going on"

"Holden" I clenched my fist. I wasn't going to yell, not to the man I respected more than anything."My brother is coming here, and for all I know my father is right behind him. I have no idea what they're doing here, and right now I don't have time to explain to you what the hell is going on, because frankly I don't know either. I'm trying really hard not to freak out and the only thing I care about right now, it to make sure that your family is safe and sound, away from my father"

"Noah" Holden said softly, and I could see the concern in his eyes. "You're not telling me the whole truth are you?"

Damn you Holden My mind screamed. Damn you for knowing me all too well...

"Holden" I was near breaking point know. He needed to get inside. "Please" I begged. "Just do as I say, this one time, just do it without questioning why. I couldn't live with myself if you or your family got hurt because of me and who I am.

"There isn't anything wrong with who you are Noah. When are you going to realize that?"

"Just, go inside, please?"

Finally, Holden nodded and I saw how he picked up Natalie and took Faith's hand, leading them inside, just as my brother stopped in front of me.

"Cute little family you got there"

I snapped my head around, narrowing my eyes at him. No sign of my father thank god "What are you doing here Riley?" I sighed and crossed my arms, annoyed because I realized I had just spent ten minutes yelling at Holden for nothing. This was already draining my energy and willpower.

Riley stood there, quiet for a moment and the change from a second ago puzzled me. I wasn't used to see my brother so shy, but then again, I wasn't used to seeing him at all. "Riley, what do you want?" My patience was starting to run out.

"I just wanted to warn you that he's coming Noah. He's gathered the whole family and we both know when he's going to strike, and it's not going to be pretty."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know" He shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Just wanted to warn you I guess"

"Now?" I asked. "For the love of god, you pick now to become kind and try to play the nice brother? I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because unlike every member of this family, you deserve to be happy Noah, you deserve to be human and that happy ending, because you're a good guy Noah. Not like dad, and you sure as hell don't deserve getting the whole family after you because you're different"

"This is...Different" I said. "I recall that you used to tease, more then anything, just because I wanted to change, and the fact that I've tried, with the whole family ready to kill me as soon as they can get the chance. What happened to make you think otherwise?" I asked, looking at the man that used to be my brother, such a long time ago. The brother that I used to whisper secrets to, at nightfall, the brother I told that despite that I was older, it was okay to be scared. The brother I confided in and trusted. "Riley, you hate me, so what changed?"

"I just..." Riley paused, trying to find the words. "I don't want you to get hurt Noah, because despite everything that has happened between us, fighting, competing who our father love most. I care about you Noh, you're still my brother and that will never change."

"Thanks for the heads up" I mumbled, not sure what to do with this new information that I was given. I had missed my brother, and here he was, twenty years to late, trying to mend a relationship that I wasn't sure could be fixed.

"That's it?" Riley questioned. "I'm putting my life on the line just to give you this warning, I'm pouring my heart out and all you can say is thank you?"

"What do you want me to say Riley?" I shrugged, trying to keep my emotions in check." You already know I knew this, and honestly, you're trying to mend a relationship, twenty years too late. You're saying you care about me, but what about that time when dad almost killed me? You just stood there, watching him killing me, without saying a word"

"But that's just it!" Riley exclaimed."It's going to be different this time, because I'm not going to be there Noah. I'm trying to stand up to him, but I'm not as strong as you are. I just can't abandon my family like you did, I'm not brave enough"

"You were the one who abandoned me, not me" I protested. "So don't try to blame all of this on me" I muttered.

"I'm trying Noah, isn't that good enough?"

I nodded slowly. "It's good that you're willing to change, but that's all I can say Riley. I'm sorry, but maybe, when this is over, we can try to be brothers again, but right now, I'm just not ready to do that."

"Just, be careful, okay?" Riley pleaded, and for the first time, in such a long time, I could see that he really cared about me, that he wanted me to be safe. I saw him hang is head for a moment, and I knew he was disappointed. I was always the one who saw the good in people and forgave them, but this time, I just wasn't ready to pull my shield down. "Riley!" I called out after him."Be careful!" I shouted and I saw a hint of a smile, something I hadn't seen in a long time. I watched my not so long lost brother disappeared between the trees, where he had come from. And I secretly wished him all the best, and that maybe after everything that had happened, he would find love too .

...TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

_Dedicated To:__  
__Danielle, for your amazing support__  
__Jackie for taking on the beta__  
__and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.__  
__I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys_

**Title: **A Fool's Heart  
**Author: **Anna (Malmenlid)  
**Summary: **There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything here except my own words and a handful of original characters. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Wordcount**: ~4,400  
**Authors Note:** Sorry for the delay, but I feel asleep way to early yesterday!

First of all, after everything that has happened to me, I can't believe I'm posting, and most of all, a new story.. A finished story... I've been working on this one since Easter, and I've re-written more times that I can count. But it's been there, always lingering in my mind, and a lot of weeks later, here's the result. Gotta tell ya, I'm scared what you people will think about this one, because this story it's different, and I'm despite going through this journey, I'm not sure if it's a good different or a bad... But I can tell you one thing it's not. It's not a Luke/Reid fan fiction. It has Luke's past in it, and Noah mystery past which we never really got to know

"Luke" I called out, knowing it was useless and I sighted heavily when I didn't get a reply back. This was getting ridiculous. Two days... Two freaking day off excuses.… A part of me, knew that Luke was probably scared. If he was feeling anything near what that kiss did to me, I would want to run and hide too.

I had never in my whole life, my thirty five years experience anything like that, and now, with theses feeling, had everything change. I didn't know what do to, or what to think. All I knew was that I need to talk to Luke, who rather ran away as far as possible from me, then talking to me. But we both needed it. I just wanted to know if Luke felt anything near what I had, and that there was no reason for him to run away from me. I wasn't Kevin. I was the sweet, charming and carrying guy, not him.

I looked over the landscapes that belong to the Snyder's, and sighted once again. This was a messy situation, and a situation that I hadn't expected to get into at all. The plan had been to stay here three weeks, trying to catch that small feeling of normal. Not this, not... falling in love…

Suddenly, I just felt so tired, and with a feeling that my heart was possible breaking, I lay down in the grass, and closed my eyes. I tried focusing on the birds who were singing in the trees, the leafs that was going with the wind, the sun in my face. Anything but Luke Snyder, and what he was doing to me.

Because, if I could make myself believe that true love didn't exist, the word soul mates was a made up word, then maybe this wouldn't hurt so much. If I could somehow, erase that kiss out of my head, lock away the feeling he brought up, then everything would return to normal, whatever that was. I could go back to believing that the world was a horrible place, an endless evil circle, and I could focus on defeating my father.

I sighted as I tried to dream myself away, and for a moment it worked, until a angry loud voice caught my eyes. I rushed up and ran towards it.

"Kevin, why won't you just let me explain?" Luke shouted, and I could see a taller, more built man standing in front of him. I didn't it like it one bit.

"Why the hell would I listen to you" Kevin shouted back. "You're sick Luke"

"Then why did you come here then?" I could hear Luke's voice breaking and I felt my heart sink a bit. Of course, Kevin the jerk, but it was still Kevin. His best friend, and his crush, how could I compete with that? Despite the hatred that was glowing in Kevin's eyes, and the hurt in Luke, I was stepping in to something that made my feelings seem like nothing. I turned around to leave, there was no point for me to be here, not with this, and I had no chance.

"To teach you a lesson" Kevin whispered low, but loud enough for me to hear it. "I told you that if you ever came near me again, I would make sure to give you one that you would hardly forget."

"Kevin…" I heard Luke and saw him backing away.

I could hear a little voice whisper inside my head that was telling me to go and help him, before it was too late, and another one that was saying that this was their business.

"Knock it off" I shouted as I started running towards them. "You're not touching him" I growled low and position myself in front of Luke, protecting him.

"What are you going to do?" Kevin laughed as he walked against me.

"You have no idea what I'm capable off" I murmured low, focusing my eyes on Kevin who was starting to walk in circles around me.

"Oh, I'm shaking"

"I'm warning you Kevin, either back off or something here is going to get hurt" I hunched down a bit, getting myself into a fighting position, and finally, something seemed to reach Kevin's head. For a moment, I had to remind myself that this wasn't my father who was standing in front of me. Kevin was an idiot, but for a moment I wasn't sure if I could control myself.

"Its cool man" Kevin backed away and held up his hands in defense. "Just keep him away from me" He nodded towards Luke before turning around and running away, but so did Luke.

"Luke, wait" I called after him as I saw him and grabbed his arm, as soon as I came into reach, almost clinging as I forced him to stay. "We need to talk"

He turned around to look at me, and for a moment I saw his eyes soften, making them that color of golden brown that I had started to love. "There is nothing to talk about" He stated, almost angry.

"Yes, there is"

"No" He pulled his arm away. "There isn't" He growled and turned around to walk away, once again.

"Do you think you could stop running away from me for a second, and just _listen_ to what I have to say, Luke" I called out in a pleading voice, but Luke kept walking. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wanted to stop him, I really wanted to, but I had tried everything I could think to make him stay. But as I saw him taking those steps further and further away from me, I felt the feeling of defeated rush through me. Maybe I had been wrong.

"I'm not Kevin" I shouted after him as he disappeared behind the bushed. "I know that you that think I am, despite what you said about me, you think I'm here to tell you how much I hate you and what a bad person you are, but I'm not him Luke. And I am not here to yell at you, I just want you to listen to what I have to say, just listen. "

Nothing. I didn't get a reply back, and I hang my head. For a moment, I had started to believe in something that seemed to be like the most beautiful thing that exited in the world, and my heart had learned the meaning of hope.

But maybe, just maybe, Love was just something, someone made up, to make humans find something worth fighting for. Maybe it didn't really exist, just in our minds. The stories about spark seemed so vague in my mind.

"I'm sorry" I whispered out into the nothing, the emptiness, not really sure what to say, hoping against everything that it would bring back Luke, and somehow, hope against hope it did.

"Don't be" Luke said short as he turned around and started walking back to me, his voice dripping with anger. "You didn't do anything wrong, and I could probably thank you for saving me back there" I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"So, that's Kevin?" I asked, trying to hold back the jealousy... Luke wasn't mine. He nodded.

"That's Kevin"

For a moment, I felt sad for him. "He's... nice" I tried.

"I don't love him" He murmured. "I thought I did, and then I meet you..."

I just stared at him... "What?"

"It's like you said" Luke said quietly looking down at the ground. "Not all guy are jerk, and not all guy are you" He looked up for a moment and swallowed. "I'm scared Noah" He whispered. "I'm scared of these feeling that get when you're around me. I've never felt anything like this, and it scares me because how can something that feels to right, be so wrong?" He looked up at me, tears shining in his eyes.

I shook my head. "It's not wrong Luke. What you're feeling isn't wrong at all, it's as right as it can be." I took a step forwards, my hand shaking slightly as I reached for his.

"I want more" He leaned into the touch.

I swallowed hard at those words, the words that I had wanted to hear for what felt like forever. "Me too"

"But I have to warn you Noah" Luke whispered as he leaned closer to me. "I just might fall in love with you"

"Me too"

"And I'll never let you go, no matter how fast or far you try to run"

Luke tilted his head and I meet him half way. His lips covered mine, his fierce and hungry, mine soft and wet and inviting. Luke plundered my mouth, seeking every secret treasure, and I met his kiss with teeth and tongue and fire. I felt myself sink into him and drown, and there was no other place on earth, or time I would rather be.

"Come on!" I whined and leaned closer to Luke, who rolled his eyes at me for the fifth time that night. "One movie isn't going to kill you! Beside, you're the one who was complaining that we weren't doing this whole dating thing right" I whispered into his ear, hoping Luke would surrender like he always did. Placing a light kiss on his ear. "Please" I begged.

I heard Luke sight and I could see that he was trying hard not to give in. "If you're trying to play hard to get, it won't work since I already have you" I whispered, letting the trail of kisses travel behind his ear, his cute little cheeks that were blushing, down his long neck, only to wrap my arms around his waist.

This time Luke turned around, his eyebrow furrowed as he looked at me, a grin hiding behind his lips. "Sure of ourselves, are we Mr. Mayer?" He asked, and shifted so that he was sitting in my lap instead.

I nodded and hummed. "Yes we are" Normally I would hate being called my last name, but Luke changed that name into something different, something else, and I found that I didn't care. "So please?" I tried again and I laughed as Luke rolled his eyes ones more at me. I was determined to have a date with Luke Snyder, even if it would kill me.

"And what exactly would I gain on this?"

"A night with me"

"You run a tough business Mr. Mayer" Luke smiled and leaned closer, just embracing me for a moment. And I knew I had won, as I saw that smile. I grinned back and grabbed his hand to pull him with me.

"Were we going?" Luke asked as he walked next to me, confusion written all over his face.

I smiled, not answering, and continued my journey through the house and out to the barn. With confident steps, I climbed up the stairs to the hayloft.

"What are we…?" Luke started but stopped as he saw the little hayloft. "What, how, when..." Luke opened and closed his mouth over and over. I had managed to make the great writer speechless and at loss for words.

I watched Luke quietly for a moment, letting him take in the surroundings. The hayloft wasn't as boring and full of hay as it had been last time we were up here. I had managed to get some pillows, and blankets and just three candles to light the place up, to make the place more comfortable, and on the wall, was a white sheet.

"Like it?" I asked, hoping and praying that I wasn't make a fool of myself, trying to make this a date night to remember. To tell you the truth, this would actually be my first real date. Yeah, 30 and never dated, and still trying to find love? That's me, but for me dating wasn't something you did. It was silly, ridiculous and yet, here I was, trying to impress Luke in any way I could.

Luke slowly turned around and gazed at me, his brown eyes unreadable. "We're having a movie date?" He asked his tone skeptical.

I nodded and sat down on the blankets. "Come on" I said softly, grabbing his hand and pulled him down next to me.

"We're watching Casablanca?" Luke looked at me with a skeptical look.

"Would you stop with those skeptical looks Luke and just trust me"

"That movie is like a thousand years old" He and glared at me.

I couldn't help to laugh. "Actually, I think it's only 30, but I could be wrong" I teased.

"It's was done before I was born and "I'll probably fall asleep" He muttered sadly as he settled down next to me, nuzzling closer.

"Don't worry" I whispered into his ear as I pulled him closer to me. "You can sleep on me anytime"

My eyes snapped opened and I was surprised to see the credits of the Casablanca rolling down. How did I feel asleep during my favorite movie? I wondered quietly as I took in the surroundings around me. I tried sitting up but stopped with puzzled and looked down. On my chest was Luke, sleeping peacefully and quite, his arms clinging to my shirt. I smiled and leaned back, and slowly drifted back to sleep.

"Hey there sleepy head" Luke's voice greeted me as I opened my eyes, the darkness still embracing us.

"Hey there" I whispered back, moving to my side so that I could face Luke. I leaned closer, as if that even were possible.

My forehead touched Luke's, and I could feel his breath coming in little puffs across my face, over my mouth and nose. I smiled, despite myself, because this felt good. Felt so right. Being so close to him. I licked my lips. It would be so easy right now to cross that line that was crossed— when both I and Luke decided to just stop running... So easy to lift his chin, tilt my head, and kiss him.

I finally pressed my lips against Luke's and held his face in my hands, keeping him steady as I slowly tasted his mouth and lips. Swirled my tongue inside his mouth, I could hear Luke whimper and I kissed him harder, unable to stop myself. I wanted so much more and I felt the last of my restraints fading away.

I could feel Luke pressing closer to me, his hands tugging at my shirt and I whimpered as his hands sneaked under it and sought of the skin. His hands touched me, softly and with hesitation. I broke away, gasping for air and looked down at Luke whose lips were red and puffy. My finger touched the outline of his lips, following the pink line.

_I did that _

I was strangely, fascinated what my kisses caused. I leaned in to kiss him again, because I never wanted to stop this feeling that was rising within me. It was something new, something that was scaring the crap out of me. Kissing Luke, felt like I was drowning in a white light, and I pressed closer to try catch that heat and warmth that was radiating from Luke. He made me want more then I had ever felt in my whole life.

Just as Luke had, I reached out to get more skin, more contact and more of that drowning heat that was making my head spin with want.

A part of me knew a very small part that we should have stopped minutes ago. Not let us get carried away, but as Luke pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it away, all thoughts of stopping left my mind.

One more kiss, I tried telling myself. One more kiss and then I would stop all of this and be rational, but with Luke pressing against me, his hands roaming every place he could touch my skin, it was hard to say one more kiss.

For a moment, I thought myself hear something, but I was too focused on Luke to really hear anything, as my blood wasn't rushing in the direction to my brain.

"Oh my" I heard a voice near us, and suddenly, both of us snapped out of our own cocoon that we had made.

"Dad" Luke looked into his father's surprised eyes.

"Holden" I could feel the blush spreading and a feeling of shame, as Holden stepped closer. Protectively, I pulled Luke closer to me.

"What's going on in here?" Holden raised an eyebrow and for a moment, I just stood there stiff. "Luke?" He turned to his son who stood quite. "Noah, mind explaining what's going on?" But for once, I hadn't any words, nothing.

"Yon and my son, you're?" Holden just looked at me a little shocked and I lowered by gaze, but I didn't release my hold on Luke who was clinging to me, hiding his head into my shoulder. I nodded to the floor, wishing I could sink down under it and disappear.

"Do you love him?"

I glanced down at Luke and then back to Holden, bracing myself, I said" Yes sir, I do"

I saw Holden step back for a moment and I swallowed. "Noah, I need to have a talk with my son" Holden's voice was soft and calm. "Alone" He added but the voice was still soft. "And then I would like to have a talk with you too, if you wouldn't mind"

I nodded in understatement. "Of course, Sir" I replayed and turned around to climb down the stairs. I have Luke a last look, telling him it would be okay, but wanting to do so much more.

"Noah" He called out and I turned around to look at him. I was shocked to see the sadness in his eyes. "Don't you dare call me Sir again" He said low, and I knew my word had caused him pain. The word sir was only meant for one person, and one person only. My father, the man I hated and by pure fear, I had just called the man I admired, the worse thing there was in my word.

"I won't" I whispered and disappeared away.

"Noah, can I talk to you?" Holden's head popped out from the stable door.

"Sure" I forced a smile at the tension that was lying in the air, and had been there ever since Holden caught us three days ago in the barn. Three days which had resulted me in almost not seeing Luke at all, and three days just waiting for Holden to come and talk to me. I sighted and followed him out to the pond.

"So" Holden glanced at me, and I knew that a lot of things was going to be different know. "How long have you and my son…?" He trailed off.

I turned around and gazed at him. "Since he was five" I wanted to say. Since five I had been amazed by Luke Snyder, and it had only taken a few years after that to fall in love with him. "I don't know" I said honestly, because I didn't. I didn't know if it was when I had sneak to the farm without Holden knowing to check to see if everyone was okay, or when I had met Luke in Rom with his father. "How long have you know?" I asked back.

"A while" Holden said, looking at the ground. "I already knew from the last time you where here, when Luke was five and you told me about what you had been doing up to that point. And not once, did you mention a girl." Holden paused for a minute. "I know you Noah, I've know you my whole life and so had this family, and we know that you've been searching for so long, and I thought it was odd when you didn't say anything. Like you thought we hated you"

"You're saying you don't?" I didn't dare looking at him.

"How could you ever think that?"

I let out a strangled laugh. "When the whole worlds hates you for who you are, it's kind of hard to try to believe in the people that's supposed to love you" I said quietly, looking down at my feet."I've been living for so long, and seen so much, and even though I know you see me like a son, I still don't feel like one Holden." I finally took the change and looked at him. "I know you all love me, but I'm not used to a family, or to be loved. I don't know that world Holden, the world you're living it. I don't know how to handle all this.

"There is nothing wrong with who you are Noah, immortal, or gay. We don't choose who we are, we're born this way, and there is nothing more natural than that."

I sighted. "It's not easy fighting against the world, and I hate being different" I muttered, almost childishly.

"I know Son, I know" Holden put his hand on my shoulder, trying to give me the comfort. "There is one thing thought Noah and I know I have no right to ask or pressure you"

"But?" I added, knowing it was there.

"But sooner or later you're going to have to tell Luke about who really you are, no matter how scary and afraid you might be. I'm not saying right away, but you have to because that's what families do"

"They don't lie" I whispered.

"I know it's scary, but if you love him as much as I saw, you owe it to both yourself"

"I know" I nodded, losing myself in my thoughts.

I felt Holden look at me for a moment before turning around to walk away from me. "I know you have a lot of things to think about, so I'm going to leave you alone for a moment, but if you ever want to talk Noah, I'm here whenever you need me." He went back and gave me a quick pat.

"Thanks" I mumbled quietly after him and sank into thoughts about rights and wrong. Families and enemies. The world and how in the most amazing ways it would turn. I sank into thoughts about my own existents, and deep inside me, I knew that if I ever wanted to take things further with Luke, I had to tell him the truth, before it caused more damage than it already had.

"Noah?"

I turned around and was surprised to see Luke.

"How long have you've been out here?"

For the first time since Holden had left me with my own thoughts I looked around me. The sun wasn't shining over us anymore, and the pond was starting to be covered in darkness with the moon shining over us.

"A while" I mumbled as I stood up to stretch my limbs and muscles. "I've done some thinking" I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself down. This had been an awfully long day, and it was about to get longer.

"About what?"

I gazed at him for a moment. "About us" I said. "There's been something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now Luke, and I hate lying to you, so I guess I should just say it straight out"

"I think you should"

I swallowed, and started walking, like my legs and feet always did when they started to get nervous. "I can't die" I said, turning away for Luke and looked out over the pond, the moonlight shining over us, making everything look so beautiful. Luke looked like an angle, and yet I couldn't face him as I was about to tell him the most important part of me. "I don't age either" I walked a bit closer to the pond, hearing Luke's footsteps quietly following me. "You know when you asked me if we had met before. His footsteps stopped and I could hear his breath hitch. "We have." I whispered low, but I knew he would hear it. "You were five, and I was 35, looking the same as I do know"

"What?" Luke gasped.

"The first time was when you were five years old, and you stumbled into the kitchen with a blue stripped pajama, in search for cookies that could cure everything. You were so brave then Luke" I whispered, lost in my own memories for a while. "I've seen you in Oakdale a couple of times too, and once, in Rom, when you were trying to escape from Damian" I swallowed hard.

"You.." Luke tried and just looked at me. "You were the guy with the train ticket" He whispered. "You offered me your train ticket just out of the blue, like you knew" He went closer to me, a hand reaching up to touch my cheek. "And you haven't age a day"

"I told you" My voice shaking. "I can't die I've been 18 for such a long time now, it feels like forever"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Luke's voice sounded like an accusation and for a moment, I felt an anger rise in me, because right now, it felt like Luke didn't understand.

"And how exactly would I have done that huh?`, Hi, my name is Noah Mayer, I'm not human, I can't die, pretty much sure I can lift anything and I'm fast then a speeding bullet, not to mention my psychic family who wants to kill me. I've been running since I was 18, how's that for an introduction?"

"Noah" Luke said softly.

I knew a part of me was staring to freak out. "I'm sorry Luke, but I'm scared. I'm scared you're going to look at me like I'm some kind of freak, a monster and that you'll decide that you don't want to be with me anymore. I can't take that, I just can't. I've never loved anyone in my whole life, I've never felt what I feel like I'm around you"

"You're not a freak" Luke gazed at me before taking a step closer, brining his hand up to rest at my neck. "But you have to give me time Noah. This is a lot to take in and I need to melt all of this, think you can do that for me?"

I nodded. "Of course, take all the time you need."

"But you have to promise that you won't come and look for me Noah. I need to do this on my own" Luke said softly as he backed away from me.

I had to fight the urge to grab him, but something in Luke's eyes stopped me and I tried to swallow the tears I watched him go. "I love" I whispered out into the cold, beautiful moon night"


	4. Chapter 4

_Part 3_

_Dedicated To:__**  
**__Danielle, for your amazing support__**  
**__Jackie for taking on the beta__**  
**__and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.__****_

_I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys._

Summary: They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.  
Rating:NC17**  
**Word count: ~4,166  
Authors Note: Yeah, this chapter has a different rating and let me just warn you that there is a reason why I don't write sex scene, because I'm horrible at them.. Yeah, so if this suck, I'm sorry!

It had been three days, six hours and twenty two minutes since I last saw Luke. Three days and six hours and two minutes since I told him who I really was. And not a word or a sight of him since then. I had expected him to take it hard, I had expected him to yell and get angry, and I had expected the fact that he needed time. But time was the only thing I was staring to run short of. Time I was starting to lose, and frankly, my heart were starting to slowly break.

I had expected a lot of things, but not this pain that was stabbing my heart over and over. Not my mind going into overdrive, trying to figure out wherever Luke hated me or not. But now, I finally understood what my father mean, that love can kill you, if it's the right kind. It destroyed your heart, and that was worse than the physical pain of a wound, wounds I could never have. Because those wounds could heal, and I began to wonder, if Luke wouldn't accept me for who I was, I don't think my heart would ever heal from that. It was already cracking, slowly and painful, but cracking on the less.

My eyes stared at the white ceiling once again, and I sighted as the emptiness filled my heart once more. I didn't want to feel this way, and I wanted to get rid of this loneness that filled my heart. I missed Luke. I missed his smile, his way with words, his kisses and touched. There was something about him that made my existence fall into place. Like I was meant to live for him, he was the person I had been waiting and searching for all my life.

I turned over to glance at the clock. Three days, six hours and thirty minutes. It was almost as the silent house was mooching me and I closed my eyes to try to find comfort in the darkness, and let the sleep carry me away.

I tried to make sense of the touch, and the weight on the mattress in my sleepy sate. A light feather hand was caressing my hair and I snapped my eyes opened. The hand returned to its owner and I could hear him gasp. I didn't have to sit up to figure out who it was. My heart knew as it started beating faster. It recognized the touched, had memorized it.

"Can we talk?" Luke whispered and moved a bit to give me more room to sit up. He was playing with the sheet, avoiding my gaze.

"Sure" I tried swallowing the lump that was starting to form, this couldn't be good. Why, after three days would Luke be in my room in the middle of the night?

"So" He said nervously, still looking down. "I've done some thinking these past days" He started slowly, glancing at me but I couldn't read his eyes in the darkness. "A lot actually" But whatever courage that was in Luke seemed to fade away as he went quite.

"You have every right to hate me" I said quickly and somehow it made me feel worse. I could never stand Luke hating me.

"I couldn't never hate you" He whispered low, the words should have stilled my heart but the fact that he was still refusing of looking at me, scared and hurt me more.

"Then why won't you look at me?" I pleaded."Do I scare you?" I was starting to get afraid.

Luke quickly shook his head. "No, no, no" He protested, but his gaze remained on the sheet in his hands.

"I thought this would be a lot easier to do in the darkness, so I could avoid your gaze, but I guess I'm just making things complicated." Luke said and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

I reached over to grab his hands, and a part of me was pleading that he wouldn't pull away. I sighted with relief when he didn't. "I told you that I'll give you as much time as you need to think"

"I don't need more time, I've thought about this enough" He glanced at me and took a deep breath.

"And?" I couldn't help to add. My heart was racing and I felt Luke grip a tight hold on our tangled hands.

"It's been" He glanced over at the clock. "three days, four hours and two minutes since I last kissed you, three days, six hours and fifty minutes since I last saw you" I could see a tear falling from his face and I quickly reached out to whip it away. "And" He gave me a smile, a tiny smile, almost unnoticeable, but was there none the less. "I realized that it doesn't matter if you're 40 years old, and that you can't die, that I've know you since I was five, because honestly Noah, I don't care. That thing doesn't make you who you are. They're not the person who's sitting here in front of me, always so patient."

"And it took you four days to figure that out?" I laughed, with relic.

"So, I'm a bit thickheaded" Luke laughed back and leaned closer to me. "And do you want to know something else I realized?" He smiled and I leaned closer. My hand followed the smile, the fingertips touching what I had missed and longed for. I shook my head and I knew I should have concentrated on what he was saying, but I had missed and craved his touched.

"What?" I whispered as I dragged him closer to me.

"This" He whispered, just as quietly as me and finally leaned it. "I missed this" I didn't expected to feel Luke's naked chest under my fingers and I slowly began to travel as I instinctively moan into his mouth that tasted like heaven. How I had managed to survive without him for three whole days was a mystery.

Luke's fingers slipped between my shirt, pulling it over my head and exposing my chest. I tried not to shiver at his touch, but it seemed that my body wasn't listening to my brain. His eyes meet mine for a second, and the heat that more more more and that rising want made me whimper. I pulled him into a kiss, but it wasn't enough.

"God, I want you" He murmured, leaning against me, panting hard. My eyes fluttered shut at the words. This was what I wanted too, and never in my whole life, had this feeling felt so right.

"I want you too" I managed to whisper back between kisses. Luke wasn't slowing down and I jumped when his fingers slipped across my sweat pants. I lifted my head to meet his gaze and he grinned as he slowly, with an agonizing pace pulled them off. "Luke" I groaned. I wanted him naked, fast.

I was done waiting, and without warning I flipped him over. He gasped a bit at the movement and for a moment I thought he was going to protest, but he laid still. "Mine" I whispered as I let my fingers travel along his smooth skin, caressing his nipples. As a moan reached my ear I smiled and stopped.

The protest was about to leave Luke's mouth but he stopped when he saw my gaze. I smiled and just looked at him. I wanted to remember this moment and a part of me was trying to say the words, but I was struggling. Too many things had been said tonight, and maybe it was time to stop for the moment. I don't know how long we looked at each other. It was like Luke actually got it, and with a smile I leaned down to kiss him.

Soon enough, I managed to get every piece of cloths away, and finally, we were skin to skin. I wanted to devour him, to kiss every part of his skin, and to show him, how much I loved him. But as I looked at Luke, I saw a bit of hesitation in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" I had to ask.

Luke nodded. "Just, go slow, okay? "

My hands shook a little as I pulled out the lube from the night draw. I looked at Luke, who was looking like an angel, lying there with his legs spread out, so trusting and giving. Slowly, I pushed in a finger and was quick almost drawing it out when I heard Luke wince. I was hurting him, but the sound was gone as quick as it had come and was replaced by a moan.

After a while, hesitantly, I pushed it another finger.

"More" He moaned as he pushed himself back against my finger.

"Are you sure?" I asked, but I knew I didn't have to ask. Luke was practically begging and there was nothing more I wanted then to obey him. It didn't take long until all three fingers were there, and I could feel that nervous feeling again.

I looked at Luke, who was lying there and his eyes said everything. They were telling me it was okay, that he wanted this. Slowly I pushed in. I hadn't expect the heat that surrounded me, the feeling of being inside Luke, being one and together. But just as the finger, Luke yelled in pain, and I desperately wanted to pull out.

"Don't" He gripped my arm, stopping me from moving. "Just give me a moment" He said, clenching his teeth. I lifted my hand and slowly stroke his damped hair, trying to soothe him. I want to tell him that I was sorry, but Luke's eyes were saying so many different things, so instead, I kept doing the little I could to help. Slowly, I could feel Luke relax around me and with a nod; I pushed the whole way in.

Another nod, and finally I started to move. We quickly found a rhythm, but it wasn't a slow one. Luke holding on tight, words' being swallowed by moans and groans. By kisses and touched. I saw stars and for a moment, I had found the place where I belonged. But I knew it couldn't last forever, and as Luke shock underneath me, I came.

I pulled out as carefully as I could and felt Luke's head on my chest. It took a while before I came back to reality. To the fact that we weren't the only people sleeping in this house.

"That was amazing" Luke whispered against my chest and his breath made my whole body go into a new alert. "You're amazing"

"Luke" I said, trying to sounds as innocent as possible. "There is something I need to tell you" I couldn't believe I had forgotten about that part.

"What?"

"I've never…I mean… You were kind of …" I trailed off, unable to finish.

"You've never….?" Luke looked at me in pure chock as he got what I was trying to say. I blushed and shook my head, trying to keep my voice as normal as possible.

"No, I have ever made love to anyone" I said softly as I stroke his hair. "You were my first" I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss.

"You've got to be joking" He was still gasping at me. "I mean... You're like... 30 or 40 and you're telling me you've never?"

"Nope" I hummed low as I started trailing down his chest with kisses. "Now love, wouldn't you mind stop talking, I'm trying to make love to you again" I whispered low as I reached my destination, and amazingly, the only sound filling the room was moans and groans.

I let out a shaky breath as I watched Holden mock the stables in a steady motion. He had been amazing, with Luke, with me and the meaning of us. I had always been scared of the truth, because sometimes it hurts, really bad, but not now, not this time. These last few days with Luke had been amazing, ever since I really had opened up to him, but I still held too many secrets. Secrets that would end up hurting and possibly killing this family.

"Holden" I called out after him, closing my eyes for a second, gathering strength. "I need to tell you something" My voice dripping with hesitation and I could see the confusing in Holden's eyes as he glanced back at me but the words had already left my mouth, and there was no way of taking them back.

_Please, don't hate me_

I silently prayed as I watched Holden turn around and walk over to where I was standing.

"What is it Noah?" Holden said, calmly and it made me want to disappear and hides even more. I was about to crush a man, probably one of the greatest that had ever walked on this earth, I was about to crush his hopes and dreams, and shatter the world he had been living in for the last 2 weeks. The world where everything was fine and the sun shining.

"I haven't been completely honest with you" I began, and it felt a good place to start at, because that was the truth. Ever since I had stepped into this life again, this life of hopes and dreams, of wishing things to be better than they could be, had lead me to lie and hide what was really going on. It had started to turn me into a person that I longer knew. I swallowed the lump in my throat, the one that told me to start running, the one who knew that a normal person would start and yell at some point, and that I was going to get what I deserved. "You know when you ask me if everything is fine, and I just shrug it off with a don't worry"

Holden nodded, and it was like he knew, that I needed to do this in my own way, with words and sentences that didn't make sense. Stumbling and fumbling. This was Noah Mayer in a nut shell, and he was letting me be, and somehow giving the reassurance that everything would be okay.

Another shaky breath. "I lied Holden. Everything isn't fine, not even close" I mumbled, suddenly losing that courage. How could I possibly look him in the eyes and tell him that his whole family was in danger.

"What happened Noah?" Holden's voice was still calm and soft, so unlike my father.

I looked at him, and I knew he already knew. Like had always done when it comes to me. He knew when I was running, and when I was hiding. He knew the secrets and he knew about my father.

"I stopped running" I whispered. "And now he's coming here Holden. He's coming here to finish what he started all those years ago, and he's here to make sure I'll never become human. If he comes here Holden and goes after you, there is nothing I can do to stop him."

I felt a cold wind sweep by; in what should have been a warm summer night. "I'm sorry" My voice cracking and so was I. "I'm sorry for coming into your life and destroying it with my messed up family. I'm sorry for bringing him here, but I didn't know where else to go."

"Stop it" I flinched at his voice. "Noah, you're a part of this family, wherever you like it or not, so don't you dare apologize to me for coming home to us or for brining your father here. We're a family, and we'll get through this as one, including you"

"Holden" I was ready to protest.

"Got it?" His voice broke and I swallowed whatever I was going to say.

"Got it" I whispered back, looking down at the ground, a loss for words.

"Despite everything you've told me, I'm glad you stopped running."

I shook my head. "I haven't" My voice low, "I'm still running Holden, and I'll probably never stop, but right now, for the first time in a long time, I'm taking a break from this whole thing, that's why I came here. Because, despite everything, I can be me"

I saw Holden looking at me before speaking. "When is he coming?" He turned serious again.

I closed my eyes, wish he hadn't asked that, because if I could reassure him that everything would be fine, the final goodbye would be as painful."You already know" I murmured.

Holden furrowed his eyebrows in confusing and I could see how the realization hit him. "Oh no" He gasped and stared at me in shock. "He'll kill you!" He exclamied.

"No he won't" I replyed softly. "This time, he won't be able to touch me" I looked away, this was getting to intense.

"You're not going to say goodbye to us, are you?" Holden stepped closer to me.

I shook my head. "No, not this time."

"and you're not staying either, are you?"

"No" My voice broke a little, because I didn't want to leave, but I knew I had do. It was among the things of doing this right, it would be for the better.

"and what about Luke?"

"He'll understand" I whispered and my heart had already started to break. "I know he would run after me if he could, but this is something I have to do on my own, and you know how much I hate goodbyes"

"What about you then?" He walked closer, putting a hand on my shoulder. "What about you Noah?"

I shrugged. "What about me?" I tried to smile but failed. "Don't worry about me Holden, I'll be fine, always have and always will" I whispered. "Besides, this is for the better; this is the right thing to do."

"Says who?" He shot back.

"Says me. I've done enough damage as is it is Holden. This has to stop somehow, and we both know my father would never do it. "

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight" I whispered.

"Why Noah?" Holden's hold on me tightened and I could see a tear falling down his cheek.

"Because it's the right thing to do" I said, as my own tears started rolling. "I have to Holden" I hushed and without a thought, turned around and walked away. I need time to think, I need, I didn't even know what, but I was going to have to say goodbye to the love of my life.

I glanced at the black duffle bag that was almost hidden behind the kitchen door. I had been going through every not to stay, and yet in the end, the only thing that kept me here was Luke who was in the living room, playing with his sisters.

Two hearts would be broken when nightfall would come, and as much as it pained me to do this, this was the only way to keep him safe. To keep this whole family safe, away from me.

"Hey you" Luke's voice came from behind, and I could feel his arms going around me, pulling me in. I sighted, leaning into the touch, my last touch like this.

"Hey" My mouth went try. "I need to tell you something" I whispered and turned around to face him.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked softly, stroking my cheek with his hand and I could see the worry in his eyes.

"It's nothing" I shook my head, getting rid of the thoughts about what could have happened between us""I..." My voice cracked and I was getting frustrated. Would you knock it off and just say it my mind argued with me. Luke was standing still, so patient, just waiting with a small smile.

"Luke" I began, reaching for his hand. "You mean the most things to me in the whole world, and just in case something would..." I paused, unable to finish the thought. "I just wanted... to let you know" My voice broke again. God, this was hard... "Luke" I tried again... "I love you" Luke smiled, but it wasn't as happy as I thought it would have been.

"Noah, why does it sound like you're saying good bye to me?"

I shook my head back and forth. "I'm not" I whispered, pulling him closer to me, my head coming to rest at his neck, inhaling that sweet and musky scent of Luke. "I love you Luke, so much" I was cracking and I knew it, slowly and painfully.

"Hey, Hey" Luke grabbed my face with his hands, forcing me look at him. "Noah, what's wrong, baby?"

"It's nothing" I continued shaking my head while whispering the words into Luke's ear, holding him tight to me. The tears were near, and I could feel them starting to trail down my face. "It's nothing"

"Don't do this Noah, not know. Don't push me away, just tell me what's wrong" Luke grabbed my hands, and all I wanted to do was to forget about my plan for leaving, pretended that there wasn't a black duffel bag hidden behind us, and that I was about to leave in a few minutes.

"I'm sorry" I silently cried over the things that were to come. "I'm sorry for a lot of things Luke. I never meant for anything of this to happened"

"What things?" He pushed.

"I can't Luke. I wish I could, I've wished for so many things in my life, but nothing stays forever, not even me" I turned away from him, feeling the pain gripping my heart. "There are just some things that aren't meant to be"

"You mean us?" I could see the fear and despite leaving, I wouldn't go with him thinking that I regretted us, because I didn't. It was the only thing in my life that had ever meant anything to me.

"No" I turned around and rushed forwards. "You're the most important thing in my life Luke. Without you I would be lost, I would be a lonely shadow walking a path I never want to walking a path I never want to walk again, looking for a reflection of myself. I never want to go back there again"

"Then would you stop saying goodbye to me" Luke rushed forward and grabbed me, pulling me so close that our bodies were touching, not even air could have fitted between us.

"I'm not" I lied, bring up a hand to touch his face, one last time.

"Then why are you crying?"

"I'm not" The tears falling every so freely down my face.

"Noah" He whispered softly. "Whatever you're running from, just stop"

"I'm not running" I whispered, pulling away a bit."I just need a moment Luke" I said, trying not to break down completely."I'll see you tomorrow" I lied and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, I couldn't handle more than that.

"Promise?" Luke pleaded, and I wanted grabbed him and kiss him senseless, to whispered how sorry I was, and never let him go again.

I swallowed as I nodded. "Promise" I said and with sad eyes, I watched Luke disappeared up the stairs. With a heavy sight, I grabbed the duffle bag, and left the Snyder Farm, for the last time. I didn't deserve the family that had been given to me here, I didn't deserve the love that they had shown me and I didn't deserve Luke.

The car hummed low as I drove on the dark streets of Oakdale. This was for the best; I convinced myself as I turned off the engine and grabbed the little duffle bag. The only few belongs I had, but it would be enough. I wasn't planning on staying that long anyway. I glanced at what would be my new home for the next few days. I could already see a dusty, cheep hotel room, with a crappy bed and lamps that didn't works, windows and floors that creaked, in front of me. This was just temporary, until everything was over and I could go back to live the life I used to. The never ending, loveless, lonely life.

As I paid for the hotel room, I tried not to mourn the losses that I was throwing away. The life that could have been mine, or him. I was once again locking myself away from the world, in a dusty and musty hotel room. Running as fast as I could because I was scared. Scared of what would come, what had been and what could be. But this was for the better my mind whispered to me. This was the better choice it tired and soon, I fell asleep, dreaming of the things I wish I had, the things I used to have, and the thing that I had, but mostly my mind dreamed of a certain blond, that I knew I would never see again.


	5. Chapter 5

_Dedicated To:__  
__Danielle, for your amazing support__  
__Jackie for taking on the beta__  
__and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.__  
__I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys_

**Title: **A Fool's Heart  
**Author: **Anna (Malmenlid)  
**Summary: **There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything here except my own words and a handful of original characters. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Wordcount**: ~5,800  
**Authors Note:** Thank you to everyone who left a comment, it meant the world to me that you took the time to comment and for you who read it, I hope you liked it, and that it wasn't..too weird..This has been one heck of a journey... and sadly it ends here... 

Hours passed, or maybe it was days. I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I wanted this aching pain to stop. I had heard that hearts could break, but I had never expected this. A part of me could understand if my family turned away from love, if this was the cost. But as I laid there, somewhere between a sleeping state and not, I knew I wouldn't have given up those three amazing weeks I had been blessed with. I would never regret meeting Luke Snyder, not in a million years, because the love he had given me, would keep me from going mad for decades.

A knock on the door woke me up, and I groaned at the noise. Trying to snuggle deeper into the sheet that was supposed to be a cover, I ignored it. Who was mad enough to knock at my door in the middle of the night anyway? But whoever it was wasn't going to give up and with another groan I rose from the bed and went to answer it, my mind still in a sleepy fog as I opened the door. I didn't want to care about pointless things anymore. For me it didn't matter who was at the door. As long as whoever it was could leave me alone, I would be happy.

"So what, you think you can just take off in the middle of the night, and leave me like this?" Luke's voice cracked, his clothes dripping with water as he stood there by the door, angry. "I love you, dame it!" He swore, water dripping down his face"And you just took off"

The silence filled the air quickly as I just stood there, gasping at Luke. The world stopped spinning around me and I could feel that never endless darkness grab its hold on me.

"You promised Noah" Luke shouted and pointed at me while he took steps by steps away from the door, and steps closer to me.

"Technically, it's not tomorrow yet, it's not even morning" I mumbled as I looked through the window, my gaze turned away from Luke. I couldn't risk and I didn't dare looking at him, because every reason that I had tried convincing myself why this was a good idea, would fall apart and shatter in his presents.

"Don't you dare" He said through clenched teeth, and I could see the anger he was trying to hold back. "Don't you dare joke away this Noah" and suddenly, there wasn't any anger there anymore, but sadness. It's tears falling down the angelic face I had learned to love. By pure instinct, my hand lifted itself and it whipped away the tears I had caused. "I'm sorry" My voice was low.

"Why? His voice was sharp. "And don't give the whole I can't speech, because frankly, I'm getting sick if it" I swallowed as I looked at him. Quietly listing to him, knowing that I deserved every word that was being thrown at me.

I shook my head, quickly back and forth. "You don't want to know" I wasn't sure if it was me or him that I was trying to convince.

You shouldn't know…

"Yes" Luke nodded, taking a step forwards, and for the first time since he had walked through that door, I looked up and meet those chocolate brown eyes. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't" His voice was soft, like honey and I felt myself drown in it, like I had done so many times before. The voice that made me want to embrace him so tight and let me forget the crappy world I was living in. That voice that was telling me it was okay for me to be me.

"Luke" I hesitated and turned away, my legs and feet finding that pacing rhythm again. "You don't understand"

I heard a sight behind me, and before I knew it, Luke's body was right behind me. His hands touching my back hesitantly, and carefully, but comforting and soft. "Then make me understand. Just stop running, please" He begged silently, and I didn't have to see him to know if he meant it or not.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes"

"My dad…" The words came out slow, and for a moment I wanted to stop. This was the last step, the last secret, the last part of me that would keep Luke away. This would bring him into the scary and messed up world I had been living in for so long.

I heard Luke move, and soon he was standing right next to me, those brown eyes filled with the things he knew I needed. So slowly I spoke.

"Your dad, he is this amazing guy, and he just accepted you for who you are, but my dad he's not like that" I felt my hands shake, out of fear and I saw the confusing in his brown eyes, and I knew this truth would hurt him, possibly more than I ever could.

"What about him?" Luke asked and shrugged, making it look like it wasn't a big deal. I wondered if this was just an act of trying to be calm.

"He hurts people Luke. He hurts them and leaves them to die without any mercy" I whispered, feeling the burn of shame for belonging to them.

"No, you're not like him Noah, I know you. And there isn't a cell in your body that belongs to him" Luke griped my arm, making me stop pacing and forcing me to look at him. "Do you hear me, Noah? You're not your father" He whispered, leaning his head against mine, his breath tickling my face, and I felt how my heart was desperately trying to believe him. "You're a sweet, loving and a kind man. I've heard you speak about him, and I can tell you without a single doubt, that you're not him, and no matter what kind of messed up damn your family have, you're not them" I swallowed, looking at him.

"How do you know?" I whispered.

"Because I love you"

"You might not" I closed my eyes and turned away. "Not after what I'm about to tell you"

From the corner out of my eyes I saw Luke cross his arms and I felt him glare at me. He was confused, I could see that, and there was anger lingering there, but I wasn't sure what for. "What can you possibly tell me about your dad that would make me changes the way I feel about you?"

I swallowed. "Luke" I sighted and I could feel a headache coming on.

"Please Noah" The hand was back, sliding down from my shoulder, down my arm before grasping my hand. "No more running"

"He's coming Luke" I whispered, my voice shaking. "He's coming here"

"And" He pushed on.

"And it's not good. It's bad, really bad."

Luke tilted his head, gazing at me. "It's not your fault." He said quietly.

"Yes it is. I made this, I created this. I could have stopped this, and I didn't, I was too busy trying to be "me"…"

"No you didn't" Luke was suddenly a lot closer. "There is nothing wrong with who you are Noah, and you shouldn't have to suffer because your dad can't accept the fact that you're different."

I shook my head. "No Luke, you don't understand. This part of me that can't change, or die, or age. This part that can't get physically hurt, is the part of me that's my dad"

"What?"

"Me and my dad are the same" I shrugged, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. Even thought I hated that little fact, that little piece of DNA that linked us together.

"No, you're not" Luke shook his head. "You might share the same DNA, but that doesn't make him you, or you him. I can tell by just looking at you, that you're not your father, and you'll never be Noah. Because you have something he doesn't"

"And what's that?" I mumbled.

"Me" Luke traced my face with one trembling finger. For once, I was lost for words, so I closed my eyes as he trailed lingering kisses down my face, and I tried to imagine that this could last forever. That this kiss, this us, could last. I grabbed Luke harder, pulling him closer to me, to forget. To just stop feeling, because right now, all I wanted to be was right here in this moment, with him, kissing him senseless. Because after everything, this was what I needed.

Soon Callused hands traveled over yielding flesh. Soft sighs ghosted through the air. Lips trailed invisible lines of pleasure as clothing fell away, leaving the skin bare in the warm light.

Too young, too young, He's far too young for you . . . .  
My mind whispered as a pair of warm brown eyes smiled at, pulling me in, dragging me under until I'm drowning in Luke's glory. I clinged to him, desperate to stay afloat, terrified of what will happen if I let go, if I might lose him again.

Dangerous, I'm too dangerous. People die around me. The people you care about always die . . .

I wanted to yell, I wanted to stop him and push him away, but Luke's skin was so soft I can't bear not to touch him. He urgeed me on with soft sounds of contentment, his own hands running over me, soothing, gentling. I let him, though I knew that I didn't deserve it, because I craves it so desperately.

Not fair, it's not fair, not fair to him . . . .

Luke cuped my face, pulling me up to look at him. I starred helplessly at him, knowing he could see everything inside of me, everything I had tried so hard to hide: the fear, the pain, the guilt, the bleak, empty landscape of my echoingly-silent mind.

"Come here," he murmured

I come to him, sliding into the welcome warmth of Luke's body. I wrapped my arms around him and arches, urging him on. "Noah" he said softly.

My control was slipping. I wanted, oh, wanted to lose myself in him, to bury myself in him and wash away the memory of fire and screaming. "Luke," I groaned warning and plea in one.

"It's all right,"he said, smoothing his fingers over my forehead, my cheeks and my lips. "It's all right, Noah. Let go."

I groan and press his forehead to the pillow beside his ear, inhaling the scent of sweat and musk and Luke. "I . . ." I began, not really sure what I mean to say. "Luke I . . . . "

"I know," he whispered into my ear, and drops a soft kiss there. "Let go."

My control snapped and I thrusted hard, burying myself completely. Luke whimpered, a sound filled with need, and he growled approvingly as I pounded into him. One of my hands slideed under his hips, cupping the round globe of his ass and angling Luke up into me. He clutched at my shoulders; vaguely I could feel the sting of Luke's nails biting into the muscles of my back as he keens. His body tightened around me and I could feel Luke quivered beneath me, his pulse fluttering. His handed came up to stroke over my hair.

"My Noah,"

I tensed and crieed out as pleasure surgeed through me. It throbed throughout my body, racing through vein and artery, nerve and muscle, washing away the near-physical ache of loneliness I had lived with it since that horrific moment when I had woken up, and seeing the whole world had changed, when I had discovered that I had survived something that I wasn't meant to, and how one choice could change your life.

Not alone, just for a moment, not entirely alone . . . .

It faded at last, taking with it the strength of my arms, and I collapsed over Luke, panting. Luke wrapped his legs around me as well, cradling me against his heart, and I curled into him willingly, content to hold and be held in this moment. 

That night, the final night, as some people would call it, I didn't sleep at all. I knew he was coming, and so did every family member in the Snyder household, and yet, they were all sleeping peacefully. Even Luke, who was curled against me, his hands gripping me tight in his sleep, like he was afraid of letting go of me. I glanced down at him, trying to print the image of him, into my head and heart, so that no matter what, I would never forget him. I let out a sight, as my hand stroked his hair unconsciously.

I was scared, as I lay there, waiting silently. I snorted at the thought, remembering those times when my dad had talked about admitting things was human, feeling was human, and that was not a rule to be broken. Here I was, with Luke, the man I loved more than anything in the word, scared. This was as human as I would ever get.

I glanced at towards the clock, indicating that it was time. I bent down and dropped a kiss on Luke's forehead; linger a little at the touch, savoring it.

He won't know….

For a moment, all I wanted to do was to stay here, in bed with Luke. In this warm embrace, and never let go. I wanted to forget everything I knew about being immortal, about living without dying. A heartless life, a life not worth living. I wanted to forget about war, the definition about being human. I wanted to forget my father, my whole messed up family. I wanted to, but human or not, I couldn't. This fight would happen, and there was no way stopping it.

Please keep him safe

I prayed as I gazed at him one last time. Luke stirred for a moment and I held my breath.

Don't wake up...

I pleaded, but for a second, I wanted to wake up Luke, to kiss him one last time, to make love to him again. But this time, I had no minutes or seconds to spare.

"I love you" I whispered softly, and with one last glance, I left and I could hear the words echoing as I left the room, lingering softly.

I wished I could say goodbye to him properly, like I had with Holden and the rest of the family. But my heart knew, this was a goodbye Luke wouldn't allow. The one before didn't work, and I knew, if I tried this time, and Luke fought to keep me from leaving, I would stay. Just for him, I would stay and I couldn't.

The walk through the house had never felt so long, and so short. I took my time, walking like I was never to walk through those door and room again. Past the porch and the stables. A part of me wished I had time to give Mistletoe one last pat, but time was rushing me.

In the distance, far away, I could see my father and my family waiting and with a sight I started picking up the pace, blocking everything out.

As I reached the pond, I was ready to fight, but suddenly, something grabbed a hold of my arm, spinning me around.

"Did you really think I would let you go without saying goodbye?" Luke asked, his eyes filled with a quite anger.

"Actually, I didn't think you would let me go at all. You probably would have chained me to the bedpost or something" I tired smiling, but I was meet with a frown. I wanted to make Luke go home, because I couldn't, nor wouldn't say goodbye to him.

"Noah" He growled low, crossing his arms as he glared at me. "This isn't funny"

"I don't want to say goodbye to you" I whispered low, the humor and teasing gone, so low that I didn't think he would hear it, but I saw the change in his face when the words hit him. "Because goodbye means I would never see you again, and I just can't live with that thought. Goodbye would mean I would never be able to kiss you again, to touch you or tell you how much I love you. " I blinked away the tears. There was no way I was breaking down, not now. ".I hate the word goodbye because for me it means something is gone, to never be seen again. It's a sign of weakness and it something so bad to me so no, I'm not going to say goodbye to you Luke" I crossed my arms, trying to prove my point. The word would never reach my lips. They had already touched my mind, filled it with fears and what if's, but they were not leaving my lips.

"Then don't go" Luke whispered, stepping closer to me. The grip on my arm loosened a bit, his head leaned against my chest, just under my chin.

"I have to Luke" My voice cracked.

"Why?" Luke pouted and looked at me. "Why do you feel the urge to prove to him who you are and who you're not. What you can be that he can't? "

I stood there, speechless, because the thought had never crossed my mind. "Because I need to show them, I need to prove to my family, that despite living with this, curse, we can change. I want to show them that we don't have to live in darkness, that there is some good in this world, something worth living for, something worth loving " I whispered, kissing his hair.

"But..." Luke said his voice cracking as he looked at me. "You can't go. He'll kill you" I stood there, speechless as I looked at my love... My love? Could I really call him that? Was breaking down in front of me. "I don't want you to go" He mumbled, stepping closer to me.

"Luke, I have to. It's the only way" I murmured, pulling him closer, trying to comfort him in the few ways I could...

"Why?" He asked, looking up at me and I couldn't help to reach over and trace the pout over his mouth. "I don't care about him Noah; I don't care about me... I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt"

"I'll be fine" I tried. A shout called out and I knew it was time for me to leave. "I have to do this Luke, for your family and for me"

His grip tightened on me. "No"

I could hear the determination in his voice, and despite the fact that I was trying to say goodbye to him, I smiled. This was so Luke, my Luke. I sighted softly as I tried not to seek out the touches he was giving to me, so freely, anything to stop me from doing to face my past, my present and my future. His whole body was screaming in protest of this goodbye, and so was mine.

I shook head. There wasn't really a way out of this, of trying to avoid the word goodbye, and we both knew that letting go, would be a lot harder. Two hearts reaching out in to the night, beating with the same rhythm, connected in ways beyond what people would understand. Soul mates, destined to be together, if faith would have its will through.

But then again, I had never believe in things like this. I didn't believe that one touch, one look could make someone fall in love. Those was fairytales, they didn't exists. I gazed down at Luke, and I wished I could take back all the hurtful things I had said and done, and say that I would stay.

"Luke" I whispered softly, praying that he would understand.

"No" He said again, lower this time, almost growling at me before he pulled me down to kiss me. I felt the desperation in it the minute his lips fell on mine. This kiss wasn't soft, tender or careful. Neither was it forceful. It was one of those kisses, he only used when he wanted to try to get me to stop thinking. For a moment, I just stood there, giving in to the kiss... feeling our tongues fight for dominance, and that heat that only Luke created inside of me. I pulled him closer, trying to give him everything my heart felt for him.

Slowly, I pulled away. "Luke, I'm doing this for me, for us. So that I can finally be free of him, once and for all. He's been in my nightmares for as long as I can remember, he's always been there to destroy everything I treasure. "I could see Luke ready to protest again. "I love you Luke, and if you love me, you'll let me go." I pleaded."Just trust me on this. He can't hurt me remember, he can't touch me. There is nothing he can do that will hurt me Luke, I'm safe from him. " My fingers brushed lightly against Luke's cheek, and I was praying he would understand, but I was craving the contact as well.

"But he still controls you Noah. He still gets into your mind"

I shook my head violently. "Not now, not this time. This time it's different Luke. He's the one who'll be ending up running for his life."

"How come?"

I gazed at him, wondering how the most brilliant mind could be so clueless. "Because I have you Luke. Because I love you. He doesn't have that power, so he can't use it against me because he doesn't understand the value of it"

"Promise me something" Luke mumbled into my chest, and I shivered as his breath brushed against my neck. "Promise you'll come back to me, safe and whole"

I nodded, unable to form anymore words.

"Promise" Luke said, louder as his voice cracked and he embraced me tight. And the embrace said the words I couldn't form.

"I promise" I managed to whisper, and finally Luke let's go. I had to stop myself to grab him and never let go, but here we were, trying not to say goodbye.

"I'll see you later" He whispered, and kissed me quickly on the cheek. I could feel him lingering there, longer then usually and my hand itched to pull him close to me. "I love you" He whispered softly.

"I love you too" I whisper back, and as they are spoken out to the night, Luke is long gone. Only in the distance, I can see him, and with one last glance, I turn around and head to my final battle. A deep breath, and I knew that I was ready. This would end tonight. One way or another, this would end.

I walked over the cold, wet morning grass, somehow feeling a lot different that I had done before. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but it was as if the air was fresher, the light breeze caressing my face. I looked down at my shoes, something wasn't right, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but it wasn't bad.

"Finally, we meet again, Son" My head snapped up and I meet my father's dark, pitch black eyes.

"Dad" I gave a little nod, but my focus was somewhere. I scanned my family that was standing behind my dad, all seven of them, and I couldn't help to smile when I couldn't see Riley anywhere.

"He held his promise" I murmured low to myself.

"What, you mean that brother of yours?" My father spat. "You've infected his mind"

"No" I said quietly and shifted my gaze back to my father. "I'm not responsible for Riley's actions, or the way he thinks or feel. He made his choice and I've made mine"

"Have you now?" Winston said, grinning evil as he took a step closer and by instinct I backed away.

"Yes" I said through clenched teeth. "There is no place for me in this family. I don't know how you even managed to try to make mom to love you, but you're nothing but pure evil, dad and I would rather die, then turn out like you. "

"You know" Winston began and I could see a black, shinning gun in his hand. "We're not as different as you think Noah. You fight to do the right thing, and so do I, we're both controlled by our emotions"

"At least I don't grab a gun to solve my problems" I muttered as my eyes followed the gun closely. I knew I couldn't catch the bullets, but I knew I would be fast enough to avoid them.

"You know the rules Noah"

"I do" I swallowed as the gun was raised and pointed straight to my heart.

"It's a shame, really" Winston smiled sadly. "You could have become such a great son, together we could have done things people wouldn't dream of. But you had to throw away your life, for something as ridiculous and silly as love" I saw him glancing at the gun and the grin was back. "So, tell me, Noah, did you find what you've been searching for all this time? Did you find love?

"Would it matter?" I shifted my position the tiniest, ready to jump out of the way.

"No, not really" He shook his head and grinned as he pulled the trigger.

I could hear the gun go off, and the bullet it passed me with an inch, but it wasn't close until the next bullet went off, and then another. As the finally bullet went off, I felt it pass me, a bit too close, and it ripped and took with it a piece of my shoulder as I feel to the ground.

"Come on, get up" Winston kicked me a bit and I bit back a moan that threatened to escape. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing the pain he was causing. "GET UP!" He yelled again when I wasn't moving, and I felt another kick hit me in the side, making me roll over.

"Winston, stop it!" A voice from my family called out and I looked up in a pair of blue, surprisingly warm eyes.

"Aunt Rut, what are you doing?" I whispered low as I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, helping me up.

"Saving your life" She whispered back as she gently pushed me out of the way of my father's reach. "Winston, that's enough" The warmness in her tone was gone as she glared angry at him. "This as to stop"

"He deserves it!"

"Why?" She challenged him. "Because he's different? Because he actually feels something beside anger, pain and hate? Because he's willing to become something better then all of us?"

"He's not supposed to be like this! Just look at him!" He pointed at me as he yelled, trying to fight this new enemy that was standing in front of him.

"All I see is your son, Winston. The son that Charlene was kind enough to give you, despite the way you were to her."

"He's not my son" His spate back and rushed forwards.

"No," I yelled as I jumped out of the way. "I'm not sure son, dad." I shook my head and backed away from my father. But I'll tell you what I am"" I yelled, and to my own surprise he stopped, ready to punch me in the face. "I'm done" I said softly as I continued backing. "I don't need to prove anything to you, dad, because I know who I am. I know what I want and I don't need you to tell me what's wrong and what's not. All my life, I've let you control me, even now, but not anymore. I'm done"

"You think you can do a hissy fit and call quits, just like that boy?" Winston grinned an evil smile as he whipped of some blood running along his chin. "You're a part of the Mayer's, wherever you like it or not, our blood runs in your veins, and you can't change that"

"Everything isn't about blood and DNA dad, but Fine" I muttered, and a string of control broke. "If you want to hit me until I bleed, then do it. If want to shot me. If you want to try to hunt me down across worlds, then do so if that's what you wish, but I'm done. I'm tired of running, of fighting, so go ahead, dad"

"Oh believe me, I want to, so badly" Winston growled and raised the gun once more.

"Winston!" Rut gasped.

"It's okay Aunt Rut, if he wants to do this, let him. But either way, I'm done fighting" I raised up my hands in defeat. "Go ahead" I whispered lower and closed my eyes.

I waited patiently for the sound of the gun firing, the bullet going through the air, and hitting me. Finally the sound reached my ear and before I knew it, my body hit the ground, hard. I waited for the pain, for the darkness, for the eternity to stop, but nothing but an aching pain came. No darkness, no heaven or light. Nothing,

"Noah" I heard someone whisper my name so softly, and the voice didn't make sense, but I slowly let my body and mind react to the sound above me. It took a while for my body to react, and finally I opened my eyes.

"Hi" I said hoarse.

"Hey you" Luke's voice greeted me. "Have you gone crazy?" He asked softly as his hands swept over my shoulder, where the two bullets had passed.

"I'm not dead?" I asked, a bit confused. "Because this sure could be heaven if you ask me. What better place to end up at, if not with you" I reached up to touch his face. "Funny, you feel so real" I laughed, but chocked as the pain kicked in.

"I'm very real indeed" Luke whispered, his hands had stopped travelling and was resting on my cheek, just caressing.

"Excuse me, but I'm trying to kill someone here, so would you mind moving?" My father's voice said above, and I suddenly remember where I was.

Despite the pain, I rose from the ground and protectively stood in front of Luke.

"Noah" Luke protested silently.

"Oh" Winston suddenly said as he looked from me to Luke. "Oh, this is interesting, very interesting indeed"

I furrowed my eyebrows in suspicion as I watched him walked around me. "What is?"

"You're.." Winston went quite. "How did you do it?" He walked closer to me.

"Did what?" I asked, even more confused, crossing my arms. "I haven't done anything."

"But you're…" Winston gasped.

I shook my head a bit. "I'm what?"

"You're telling me you don't know?"

"Know what?" I asked, irritated now.

"You're human Noah, and by the looks of it, you've been human for at least three weeks"

As I stood there, I had never been so speechless.

"You said three weeks" Luke's voice came from behind. "Three weeks" He mumbled.

"So, how did you do it?" Winston pushed. "How did you managed to turn yourself human?"

"1..1…didn't" Because I hadn't. "Luke did" I whispered more to myself, and I glanced to look at him for a moment. My Luke. With a single touch, a kiss, a word, he had managed to somehow, reach down to my human part, that had been there lingering. Somehow, it was like our body knew they were made for each other, and all it took was one spark to start it all.

"You did it" My father gasped and I could hear the gun drop to the ground with a light thud. "You actually did it. You did something none of us could do, and you proved everyone wrong. You proved me wrong" I saw the look of defeat in his eyes as he turned around and walked towards the rest of the family that was standing there, waiting patiently.

"You're leaving?" I called out, surprised.  
"Yes" Winston said simply. "I can't win, not against this. It's over. If we could fight against love, we would, but that's something all of us is longing for. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone."

And with that, my father disappeared, and as I watched him go, I knew that it would be the last time I would ever see my old man. A man's steps that were starting to get a bit slower, heavier and for the first time, I could see the human part of him. We might have gotten the chance to live forever, but I could see how the forever was tearing him. In the end, my old man, was just like everyone else.

"Good Luck, you two" My aunt whispered before she disappeared with the rest of my family, and for a moment I mourned for my family that I would never see again. But I had made my choice, and he was standing next to me.

And that heavy burden that I had been carrying, was gone. I sighted with relief and turned around to the man who I was hoping to spend my life with.

He was standing there with his arms crossed and a look of anger on his face.

"Luke" I said slowly.

"You lied to me Noah" Luke crossed his arms and I swallowed as I looked at him."You lied. You told me couldn't touch you."

"I know, but I also know you wouldn't have letting me go if I had told you the truth. I had to Luke" It had been for the best.

"I thought he killed you Noah when I saw the gun and heard the shot. I thought him.." Luke trailed off, and I reached out to whip off the wet tears that were falling from his beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, my hand stroking his face.

"Don't you dare do that again" He warned and I shook my head as fast as I could, trying to hold back my own tears.

"I love you" I whispered and leaned in to give him a kiss. A kiss that could either be my last or stay in the line of many more.

"When you left, I gave you my heart Noah, and you almost broke it today" Luke whispered as he pulled away, but still close enough for me to easy my own desire.

"And I gave you mine. A fool's heart it may be, but it's yours if you wish to keep it" 

"They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone."

And I found that Someone...

**The End**


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